“The world-changing discovery of a fossilized e-meter at a dig in Iraq proves that Scientology is 50,000 years old,” announced Dr. Ken Delusion, Scientology’s Director of Archeo-Emeterology, an emerging new scientific field.
“Also found by Scientology archeologists were primitive electrical ‘Baghdad Batteries’ that were used to power the ancient e-meters.
“Golden plates discovered at the scene were quickly translated using the Urim and Thummin on loan from our friends at the top secret Mormon archives that Leonard Arrington and the squirrels in his hated History Division were never allowed to know about.
“The plates show that LRH was then using the royal name of ‘El-Ron-Atam, the Hubbard of the Nile, and the Fountainhead of the Technology of 100% Standard Scientology.’
“Additional information decoded from the golden plates proves that the Giza Complex and the Great Pyramid were all ancient Scientology Ideal Orgs,” proclaimed Dr. Delusion. “We in Scientology have at last been vindicated as being the original, oldest, and the only true religion on Earth.”
Well this is great news!!! Now I guess it’s up to OSA to round up all of those deadbeat thetans from 50,000 years since that have acquired new meat sacks but have not had the decency and KRC to report to their nearest Ideal Org for their Past Life Clear Validation Check (using the new Mark Super Quantum VIII Easy Bake Hubbard Electropsychometer). Once these low life dilettantes are corralled and then Sec Checked within an inch of their lives they will be in the mood to donate to the IAS and get back on the Bridge to Total Freedom by starting with the GAT II Student Hat, Purif, Survival Rundown and a complete reading and Star Rated Checkout of the Basics. This is going to be a reg’s wet dream!!!
Also, maybe now those assholes around the water cooler at work won’t be making fun of me when I say that there ARE eleventy billion Scientologists on this planet. Now I’m pretty sure there are going to be more once these yahoos are accounted for. Talk about a cool religion!!!!!
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This is very clever.
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