“COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige is pleased to announced the appointment of Mr. Anthony Scaramucci as the new Executive Director of Scientology Media Productions,” said Ken Delusion at the regular Monday press conference. “COB feels that Scaramucci will bring with him that ‘rip everyone a new asshole’ work ethic which COB feels is vital for getting anything done in Scientology.”
“Former SMP E/D Stayta Kleer has been sent to the RPF’s RPF at the Pyongyang Ideal Org due to her chronic counter-intentionedness and evil purposes against COB. Stayta Kleer was trying to destroy Scientology organizations and produced ZERO product for SMP during her one year tenure as E/D.”
“The failure of SMP to produce anything is all her fault. COB gave her every opportunity to do something, anything, and all he got from her was excuses such as ‘SMP has no money, we have not been given any money to do anything. Staff is not being paid and has not been paid for one year yada yada yada.’ Well sorry but that’s not COB’s problem. Stayta Kleer’s job was to make it go right and she didn’t.”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Does he love COB?
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“I’m not like COB,” Scaramucci commented in an off the record interview. “I’m not trying to suck my own cock.”
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I’m shocked that Mr. Scaramucci would dare use sacred syllables like “cock sucking”. These words are reserved for Big Beings like COB and Jenna Elfman, not up and comers (no pun intended) who think they can just show up and pal around with COB. Mooch doesn’t have the fucking rank for such arrogance. This is the Church of Scientology, the world’s coolest religion, not some 8th rate wog government or hedge fund like he is used to mooching for.
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Theta movers has packed up Mooch’s personal belongings and is headed straight for Hollywood. COB must’ve thought he died and went to Target Two when Mooch became available.
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COB was delighted to get Scaramucci. Now things will finally get done in Scientology. COB won’t have to do everything himself.
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He’s Fired!!
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You mean he’s fired off on a mission to crack heads and turn Scientology around! Back to the 1990’s and highest evers! Stats in screaming affluence! Orgs booming! Suppression shattered across all dynamics!
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That’s right!!!!!! Turn Scientology around!!!!!!!!!! MAKE SCIENTOLOGY GREAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!! Not only will Scientology once again and again reach the highest evers every Thursday at 2:00, we will be bigly, hugely cool and suppression will be a thing of the distant past just like Tom Cruise predicted. Now if we can just get Putin in as Inspector General for Ethics and our OSA GO-TO Guy.
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Let’s face it, even if Mr. Anthony Scaramucci fails as the new ED of SMP, by virtue of his lovely nickname, Mooch, he will have a bright and shiny career ahead of him as a Power FSM and IAS Reg.
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The Mooch is onboard to give a swift kick in the ass to Alfreddie Johnson, Michael Roberts, Gavin Potter, Jeff Pomerantz, and the other so-called “power FSM’s.” These drag ass divas, these useless pretty boys, aren’t pulling their weight anymore! Donations are down! The Mooch will R Factor them. He’s not here to let them wallow in the past glory of their Freedom medals. They’re all in for very rude awakening starting right now.
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We in Global Capitalism HQ note that Scaramucci made it on Wall Street running a “fund of funds.” That’s a company that takes your money and decides which hedge funds to put it in. For that relatively trivial bit of thinking, they typically collect 2% of assets and 20% of profits each year, the same (exorbitant) management fees that hedge funds collect. And the fund-of-fund guys don’t have to make any actual decisions every day.
The FoF guys attempt to justify their existence by claiming that they do due diligence on fund managers far in excess of what bored rich people would either have the skill or time to do. Fairfield-Greenwich Group, a fund-of-funds company, made that claim as they shoveled the vast majority of their clients’ assets into Bernie Madoff’s legendary Ponzi scheme. They apparently did so little due diligence that they never even noticed that Bernie (who, to his credit, said so on the front page of his fund prospectuses) that his company served as its own funds custodian (the place where shares actually “live” when a mutual fund owns them, to ensure transparency and auditability). This is such a red flag that it’s impossible to overstate how basic it is.
In other words, Scaramucci is a scam artist preying on the rich and gullible who are, for whatever, reason, unable to determine for themselves whether they’re getting taken to the cleaners. Sound like the perfect resume for a Scientology executive with heavy fund-raising duties.
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“Let us be clear on this matter,” said Ken Delusion. “We in Scientology love a guy like the Mooch who can prey on rich idiots and take them to the cleaners. This has long been a workable Scientology technology.”
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Isn’t his last name spelled “Scam-a-rucci”?
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Ironically David self-felates himself daily so Anthony would be a good choice.
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Just make sure COB carries a Big bar of Soap when he talks with A. Scaramucci. Enough for them both! Thank You OT8💛
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Was Smoochie clear in a previous life? Is he OT 9? I can’t see him being treated as a pre-clear, or taking orders from an auditor, and forget about the Sea Org.
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