“Long on the payroll of the CIA and Big Pharma, the criminal psychopath and major SP Piers Morgan savagely –and the at orders of the ‘big boss‘ in SMERSH — attacked we in the Church of Scientology!” complained Church spokesman Ken Delusion.
“Emboldened by his fellow SP John Sweeney who wrote a horrible book about Scientology, Piers Morgan called us ‘gutless cowards’ and ‘sinister little weirdos’ and challenged us to sue him! The nerve of this SP piece of trash!”
“Just because we in Scientology spy on people; brainwash our members; tap phones; hack computers; destroy people by Fair Game; break up families; bankrupt our members; are hellbent on ruling the world; and believe that everyone on Earth is infected with millions of body thetans does not make us ‘sinister little weirdos.’ If anything, our violent and irrational conduct, phantasmagorical belief system, and great tax-free wealth all serve to prove that Scientology is, in fact, a genuine religion.”
“We in Scientology have been slandered and emotionally damaged by Piers Morgan’s reckless, hurtful, and bigoted words,” Delusion bitterly noted. “Our Dear Leader COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has definite plans to sue Piers Morgan, his network, and everyone in the UK for a few trillion dollars. But first COB has to release OT IX and OT X; stop the Russian Federal Police from raiding our Orgs every other week; open 22,118 new Ideal Orgs; and bribe some politicians and judges in Moscow. And of course, COB has to do all of this singlehandedly while still Clearing the Planet.”
“After COB finishes these many cycles, Scientology will sue the smug and arrogant Piers Morgan and wipe that cheeky grin right off his stupid wog face! In the meantime, we’ll have to settle for putting up some hate pages on Piers Morgan on our Scientology websites. We may even send one of our gumshoes around to dig through his garbage.”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
“Just because we in Scientology spy on people; brainwash our members; tap phones; hack computers; destroy people by Fair Game; break up families; bankrupt our members; are hellbent on ruling the world; and believe that everyone on Earth is infected with millions of body thetans does not make us ‘sinister little weirdos.’ If anything, our violent and irrational conduct, phantasmagorical belief system, and great tax-free wealth all serve to prove that Scientology is, in fact, a genuine religion.”
True, true, true, all of it and more. AMEN!!!! AMEN!!!! AMEN!!!! Can I get a triple HIP HIP HOORAY for our Founder and his most worthy successor, COB RTC Mr. Cap’n David ‘Blackheart’ Miscavige!!!! The above statement proves that the Scientology Religion is by far the coolest religion on the whole track. The fact that we are expanding at unprecedented rates has the SPs in a tizzy and they just can’t confront that. If you don’t believe me, just go to Flag, your nearest Ideal Org, Ideal Mission, or Ideal Field Group and see for yourself. It’s standing room only folks. You’ll have to wait in line to use the clay demo table or even get to the examiner cuz there’s so many of us taking services to get ourselves up The Bridge to Total Freedom!!!!!!!!!!!! As soon as I finish up my latest round of Lowers (for having a ‘bad’ thought), I’m going to get in the long line for the Reg and also try my best to get in touch with the IAS so I can up my status once again. Now that we have SMP planetary dissemination in full swing, they can be so hard to get ahold of you know. Busy, busy, busy…
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COB is #1 in everything!! That means he is the WORLD’S #1 GUTLESS COWARD!! And a liar, thief, and all-around degenerate monster.
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Piers Morgan was kicked out of CNN because he talked about lockers in the locker room. Imagine that!! Why can’t he follow the lead of the most incredible candidate to ever hit the podium. Hell, he doesn’t even need a podium to make his points.
With the official opening of the IAS Liaison office in Dublin Ireland today, COB once again proves that even Leprechauns are welcome in the Church, just because they bring pink hearts, orange moons and marshmallows does not make them ‘magically delicious’, it’s the pot of gold that matters.
Other Irish need not apply. They are too woggy and like their Guinness too much.
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