Data collected by experts at the Scientology University of Science conclusively proves that the Earth’s poles will shift within the next 6-8 weeks. When the pole shift occurs virtually all life on Earth will be destroyed by violent hurricane-force winds, volcanoes, earthquakes, and floods. Those few pinks who survive will be eaten alive by hordes of marauding Subgenius.
The only safe place will be the Church of Scientology’s Antarctica Ice Station #9 which, after the pole shift, will be located in the same sunny and pleasant latitude as Los Angeles.
The ultimate survivalist compound, Ice Station #9 will become the center of the new post-pole-shift Scientology Civilization. This will be a Civilization built upon ethics, justice, and fairness.
Fleet Admiral David Miscavige and Vice Admiral Tom Cruise have already relocated to Antarctica Ice Station #9.
There is room for only 500 more Scientologists. Bedrooms can be purchased for as low as $7,000,000. This price includes one year of meals in the cafeteria and one hot shower per week.
Act now before the world ends!
I’m happy to pay a mere $7,000,000 for these deluxe accommodations all the while guaranteeing my own personal front porch to eternity. Well, at least a bedroom to eternity. I will mail the check as soon as I am able to verify that there will be a complete GAT II LRH Library and Archives on titanium plates for us special big beings taking up residence at Ice Station #9. And, while not expected, it sure would be nice to have the Scientology Media Project piping in all the vital data that we will need to expand our beingness to hitherto unknown dimensions while listening to the soothing tones of Space Jazz in the background. Also, will there be a years supply of Cal-Gag to go along with the tasty meals?
I sure hope that this project actually materializes and the pole shift really happens. The last time I got caught up in something like this, a group of OTs got together and prevented a pole shift using only their amazing intention and postulates to prevent this lousy planet from said pole shift. One of them even got to a parking spot before I did and I was late for course and spent a few weeks doing lowers. Bastard.
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Ms. B. Haven, you have a hidden standard! Report to Ethics!
Hahahaha the Jehovah Witnesses believe in Armageddon but keep shifting the date. Sounds like $cientology has been taking lessons, probably to sell a new Con, as we all know how insatiable the greedy little leader is for more moneeeeeeeee
I can’t wait for Ice Station #9! I heard it’ll be an “Ideal Ice Station,” too. I so look forward to taking less showers and screaming filthy obscenities at penguins as they fly in and out of what’s left of Los Angeles International Airport.