“The Church of Scientology has recently been pummeled by unparalleled mudslides of entheta — and even more serious mudslides are expected in the next fifteen days,” declared CSI Disaster Management Director Ms. Glarin Skanks. “The Church’s new Front Porch of Infinity was destroyed in that last mudslide,” added Skanks.
“We in CSI Disaster Management have therefore asked FEMA to declare the Church of Scientology a total disaster. This is the only way we can get billions of dollars in government aid to rebuild the Front Porch of Infinity, Super Power, GAT I, GAT II, the Basics, the Ideal Orgs, and all of COB’s other programs that have been destroyed by these unprecedented mudslides of entheta that carried with them great crashing boulders of joking and degrading.”
Update: “Things are so bad that COB locked himself in his bedroom at Flag in 2014 as he was just too terribly enturbulated to meet Lisa Marie Presley. COB had his sisters take the meeting in an attempt to dead agent their Dad. However, this meeting also turned into a disaster as have so many of COB’s projects. Using the exact PTS/SP Tech, it appears that COB has gone PTS because he is connected to an SP. We in RTC think CO OSA Linda Hamel is the ‘who’ because she has failed for many years now at predicting attacks on COB and keeping entheta off COB’s lines.”