Church of Scientology Seeks Disaster Status from FEMA

mudslide

“The Church of Scientology has recently been pummeled by unparalleled mudslides of entheta — and even more serious mudslides are expected in the next fifteen days,” declared CSI Disaster Management Director Ms. Glarin Skanks. “The Church’s new Front Porch of Infinity was destroyed in that last mudslide,” added Skanks.

“We in CSI Disaster Management have therefore asked FEMA to declare the Church of Scientology a total disaster. This is the only way we can get billions of dollars in government aid to rebuild the Front Porch of Infinity, Super Power, GAT I, GAT II, the Basics, the Ideal Orgs, and all of COB’s other programs that have been destroyed by these unprecedented mudslides of entheta that carried with them great crashing boulders of joking and degrading.”

Update: “Things are so bad that COB locked himself in his bedroom at Flag in 2014 as he was just too terribly enturbulated to meet Lisa Marie Presley. COB had his sisters take the meeting in an attempt to dead agent their Dad. However, this meeting also turned into a disaster as have so many of COB’s projects. Using the exact PTS/SP Tech, it appears that COB has gone PTS because he is connected to an SP. We in RTC think CO OSA Linda Hamel is the ‘who’ because she has failed for many years now at predicting attacks on COB and keeping entheta off COB’s lines.”

6 responses to “Church of Scientology Seeks Disaster Status from FEMA

  1. The real tragedy, however, was that a bus load of Miscavige’s personal lawyers being driven to the disaster scene went over a cliff. COB went into mourning after learning that there were four empty seats on the bus.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. We’ve been carefully considering the why for this devastation.

    Factually, it is clear the mudslides originated as the result of a series of Category 5 (provable) shit storms of entheta brought on by psych funded chem trails which were first brought to COB’s attention by Jenna Elfman.

    Without dwelling on the negative, at this point what every Scientologist needs is the brand new Mark X shovel, available in a variety of colors for only $4,999. The case gain resulting from shoveling shit for Scientology is real. We have the testamonials. Order a shovel and get busy. The shit won’t shovel itself.

    http://www.mnpartystore.com/~/media/mnpartystore/products/decorating-supplies/a39105/134-a39105-plastic-shovel-000.ashx?w=600&h=600&bc=ffffff

    Liked by 2 people

    • I took your WISE advice wsmc and upped the ante by purchasing two of these Mark X shit shovels. That way I always have one in hand when the other is sent off for its ‘silver cert’. And, while not required, I highly recommend at least one pair of chest waders. This protects the pc and pre-ot from noxious toxins and enables one to remain on the front lines taking on these shit storms head on instead of sweating out said toxins in yet another Purif retread. So far I have had great wins from wielding the business end of my Mark X (pink), even greater wins than working in Central Files at Tampa Org!!!! And that’s saying something. Plus, you never find an IAS reg or OSA operative breathing down your neck whilst shoveling. Personally I’ll take shit shoveling any day even if I weren’t getting all the case gain that goes along with it.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. “rebuild the Front Porch of Infinity” LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. with a mighty & vengeful sword

    Like

  5. There is something super-thief David Miscavige fears even more than mudslides: the whales going extinct!!

    Like

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