Newtonian Physics and Scientology

OC.Org

Orange County, California Ideal Org. Photo by M. Reppen

Newton’s First Law of Motion states that a body at rest will remain at rest unless an outside force acts on it. According to Newtonian physics, then, Scientology’s Ideal Orgs will remain at rest for all of eternity unless acted upon by the FBI, earthquakes, or some other outside force.

That there is no activity or motion occurring inside the Ideal Orgs has led some physicists to speculate that these buildings exist at, or near, the temperature of absolute zero (-273.15 Celsius) where all atomic motion ceases.

And the Ideal Orgs will certainly remain completely free of bothersome new members.

As a recent study showed, the last “new person” to officially join the Church of Scientology was New York City resident Franconi Allesandro  in 2004. Allesandro, who died in 2005 from injuries sustained during a bizarre and mysterious sec checking accident related to his $75,000 repayment request, is remembered unfavorably as a thetan who pulled in his own death in an attempt to make the Church of Scientology wrong.

Allesandro was posthumously declared an SP for his evil purposes. His monies on account were not returned to his estate as no law in America requires the Church of Scientology to return any donations.

6 responses to “Newtonian Physics and Scientology

  1. Given that Scientology is 100% science based, the assertions presented above are obviously unassailable. We posit the second law of thermodynamics may also be at play here. It states “the entropy of any isolated system always increases.”

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  2. I don’t recall Wayne saying anything about bodies resting or in motion. All I know is that he probably agreed with Elvis that Scientology was just after his money.

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  3. My experiments with a chromatograph and cloud-chamber hooked up to the Mk. XXVIII Strabismus Psychotimeter have detected definite traces of gaseous Newtonian motion within some Ideal Orgs. My assistant Miss Tsai-Chin Proutley conjectures this is due to the Sea Org diet of rice’n’beans.

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    • Einsteinian physics says E=MC2, therefore Entire ideal org numbers = Man (8 billion) times Church members, all squared.
      See, DM is right. Ideal orgs will likely fall under their own weight.

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  4. Miscavige is likely to die of of alcohol poisoning before any of these empty shells see any movement, and then it will be to the auction block.

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  5. > Scientology’s Ideal Orgs will remain at rest for all of eternity unless acted upon by the FBI, earthquakes, or some other outside force.

    But this is where SUPER-EVIL, SUPER-VILLAIN DAVID MISCAVIGE comes to the rescue! His theta mind rays can fill an org in an instant! His super-evil OT powers let him do this!

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