“COB became VERY HIGHLY ENTURBULATED to learn that Leah Remini’s interview on 20/20 drew 8.2 million viewers,” declared Church of Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.
“COB’s ruds were thrown out so violently that he literally melted the copper grounding rods in his office. COB has issued a decree that no Scientologist may click here to order Leah Remini’s new book Troublemaker.”
“As a consequence of all Scientologists failing to handle the 20/20 flap, COB has assigned the entire Church, except for himself, the Ethics condition of CONFUSION.”
“Scientologists need to find out where they are,” barked Mr. Miscavige. “And not to feed Scientologists a cog,” said COB, “but where Scientologists are is the IAS.”
“The IAS is the official membership association of the Church of Scientology. Therefore, pure logic alone informs us that the only place a Scientologist can be is in the IAS. Whereupon, the first step out of CONFUSION must be to make a monumental, heroic, and bankrupting donation to IAS donation in order to make up the damage you have done to the group.”
Leah Remini’s new book Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology is available here.
“The outspoken actress, talk show host, and reality television star offers up a no-holds-barred memoir, including an eye-opening insider account of her tumultuous and heart-wrenching thirty-year-plus association with the Church of Scientology.”