“Finding a trophy wife for an aging male movie star is easy enough,” said Ken Delusion, CO RTC 2D Procurement Unit, “but throw in the difficulty of finding a trophy wife who is willing to be a Scientology Stepford wife and now we’re talking a global search campaign.”
“Some of the 1,000+ items on the TC4WC checksheet include:
- Filing the incisor teeth of the candidates to the approved TC dimension
- A minimum of 1,000 hours of initial sec checking of each candidate for hidden crimes and evil purposes
- Key question: Have you destroyed planets on the wholetrack?
- Finding someone who is not taller than Tom Cruise. Frankly, Tom is tired of wives who tower over him like Amazon’s, particularly when they get 1.1 and wear spike heels just to enturbulate Tom.
- Tom Cruise needs someone who can understand and perfectly duplicate David Miscavige’s rapid-fire staccato manner of speaking without any comm lags or “huhs?”
- Key criteria: Tom Cruise’s 4th wife must understand that David Miscavige will be the third person in their bed. COB accompanied Tom on his honeymoon with wife #3 and he will do so with wife #4
- Wife #4 must realize that she does not have the &$^%*# rank to ask where Shelly is. This must never, ever, ever, ever, happen.
Please donate right now this instant to the Tom Cruise 4th Wife Campaign.
If you think you could be the 4th Mrs. Tom Cruise, please post your qualifications below for consideration.
We in RTC wish to note that COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige strongly disagrees with Tom Cruise having a 4th wife. Nevertheless, just to prove that we in the Church of Scientology are pro-family, COB has assented to BFF Tom Cruise’s 2D self-determination as a thetan. As for COB, this is his view of marriage: