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A shocking new study released today by Dr. Dirk Duchebaag, RTC Inspector General for Economic Losses, shows the real costs of suppression to all of the churches in the ecclesiastical hierarchy of Scientology churches, missions, and social betterment groups.
Dr. Dirk Duchebaag, RTC I/G Economic Losses
“The economic losses due to suppression for 2015 (year to date) is a staggering $1.896 quadrillion dollars,” declared Dr. Duchebaag.
“COB has therefore assigned the entire Church the Ethics condition of CONFUSION. COB has not assigned himself this condition because he knows exactly where is at and that is POWER.”
“RTC studies have conclusively shown the internet to be the ‘Gateway to Suppression’ and the subsequent economic losses to the Church.”
“Therefore, COB has issued a new policy that any Scientologist caught using the internet without the express written permission of we in RTC will have their left hand chopped off by the Office of Special Affairs for the first offense.”
“This time-honored and proven religious technology of chopping the hands off the guilty works well in Muslim countries and COB is sure it will work well in the Church of Scientology. Moreover, Scientologists have pulled this harsh Ethics action in on themselves and have no one to blame but themselves.”
“COB is also considering public beheadings every Thursday at 2:00 PM at all Ideal Orgs for those Scientologists who fail to regularly increase their IAS status,” Dr. Duchebaag ominously added.
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
About damn time. I type with one hand all the time when I’m on the phone. Scientologists need to learn to finally cope with the real world and still get their shit done 3 times more effectively than wogs.
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“RTC studies have conclusively shown the internet to be the ‘Gateway to Suppression’ and the subsequent economic losses to the Church.”
I couldn’t agree more with this statement!!!! I was misled by wog advertising many years ago when I naively purchased a Commodore 64 thinking I would be making a gesture honoring OUR Commodore. Little did I know that just sitting the phone receiver into the modem cradle and typing in ‘Scientology’ into my Alta Vista search engine would cause me so much ethics trouble. Fortunately for me, with the help of kind and caring Ethics Officers I had the good fortune to work with, I was able to get myself sorted out an back on the path to Total Spiritual Freedom that is only available thru the Tech (and continuous donations to the IAS).
The only reason someone could possibly need to use the internet would be to search for the nearest Advanced Org, Ideal Org, Ideal Mission, Ideal Field Group. But, the fact is there are so many of these theta groups out there today that it is almost impossible to walk more than a few city blocks or several country miles before you find a welcoming receptionist more than eager to route you to the next available Registrar.
As far as I’m concerned, the quicker the internet goes away, the sooner we can get ethics in on this planet like Tom Cruise does and the next thing you know we’ll all be off to Target II. Pfffffffftttt.
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I’m waiting for the CoS to reach a condition of non-existence!
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I’m disappointed that RTC is prepared to write off the relatively small loss of $45 billion in Sea Org canteen thefts. As Scrooge McDuck used to say “Look after the billions and the trillions will look after themselves.”
Sea Org staff are well fed with free and carefully prepared cordon bleu meals and only greed and poor discipline would cause them to fall into the completely unscientological habit of theft.
.
Andrew
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The $45 billion in canteen thefts have not been written off. Rather, these thefts are simply accounted for under “internal crimes” as opposed to “external global suppression.”
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Amazing research and analysis. Duchebaag should be nominated for the Nobel prize awarded annually for economics.
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Pardon us but we perhaps we in RTC need new glasses?
We read what you wrote but we are sure you meant to write this: Humanitarian global ecclesiastical leader David Miscavige should be awarded the Nobel peace prize for his handling the 4th dynamic engram.
That is what you meant to write isn’t it?
Sign the confession here_____________________
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