“His Imperial Ecclesiastical Holiness David Miscavige today issued a royal decree declaring the Sundance Film Festival an evil Marcab-implanted danger zone,” announced Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.
“An ancient extraterrestrial race of evil Psychiatrists, the Marcabs excel in infecting the minds of humans with evil implants.”
“The Marcabs especially seek to infect our youth through moving pictures and internets,” Delusion warned.
“The most recent proof of Marcab implanting is a so-called ‘documentary’ by HBO and Alex Gibney that attacks the Church of Scientology.”
“Because we in the Church of Scientology are so wildly successful, it is to be expected that Marcab activity will peak in 2015 as the Marcabs rage like cornered animals.”
“Therefore, to ensure the safety of our parishioners, all Scientologists are hereby ordered to observe the 100 mile Scientology exclusion zone around Sundance, Utah.”
“Anyone who watches this dangerous HBO documentary will instantly become a brainwashed zombie,” Delusion warned.
“In related news, John Travolta today announced he was no longer a Scientologist,” (story continued page 3).
So, if I read the wall of fire in regards to OTIII I will die of pneumonia, if I watch the heathen documentary, I will die a terrible Xenu selected death! How much shall I donate to the cherch to survive such a Gibney compost barrel of lies?
$1,500,000 is the amount we in RTC require to save your soul until next Thursday. Donate today and you’ll receive a special IAS discount-priced ticket to a business coaching seminar delivered in your area by Mr. Gavin Potter of the Freewinds!
Business coaching expert Mr.Gavin Potter of the Freewinds.
Anyone unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity of the Sundance Psyche Implant Festival should on no account accept free samples of colorful sweets offered by suspicious looking reptilian creatures. This is a standard technique of the Marcabians to get people addicted to mind altering psychotic drugs.
Immediately contact your nearest Ideal Org and ask for assistance from the Third Armored Dianetics Psych Busters Division. They are the only ones who can help.
Hilarious. Wonder when/if this will be aired in South Africa? Am dying to see it.