US Congressman George Santos said it was actually him who defeated Spacelord Xenu in an epic battle 75 million years ago on the planet Coltus which is 185 billion light years from the nearest Amazon Distribution Center.

Santos further claimed that L. Ron Hubbard stole Scientology from him in 1952 and that he is Scientology’s true founder.

“I taught L. Ron Hubbard how to lie,” declared Santos. “And Hubbard became one of my most successful students in the art of telling incredibly unbelievable and unconvincing lies. And it is this type of lying that is the essence of Scientology.”

Santos said he agreed not to sue Hubbard for stealing Scientology after it was discovered that Hubbard was actually Santos father by his mother who was Eleanor Roosevelt.

George Santos admitted he leads a double life and is actually David Miscavige.