“We in Scientology have much to be thankful for on this bright, hot, and sunny Christmas Day,” said COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige to the small crowd of Scientologists assembled in the Fort Homicide Ballroom.

“Sir, it’s July 4th, Independence Day,” Ken Delusion whispered in his ear.

COB paused for a moment and raged and foamed with great anger at being contradicted by a junior. Whereupon, he struck Ken Delusion with his tiny fists of fury.

“I say what day it is!” COB roared. “And I say it is Christmas day and I am owed the gift of a new Rolls Royce from the Sea Org and I want it now, now, now!!!”

RTC staff immediately located a new Rolls Royce at a dealership in Miami and had Bob Duggan charge it on his Black AMEX. COB was flown to Miami on Grant Cardone’s private jet, the same jet Grant incessantly talks about so much that we wonder why he does not marry the jet.

COB was gifted with the new car. However, he was too inebriated to drive the Rolly and his feet did not reach the pedals anyway. Therefore, Warren McShane chauffeured COB around Miami where the Scientology Pontiff complained about how Christmas was a stupid R6 thing invented by the Catholics.