McDonald’s Egg McMuffin Turns 50 Years Old; Curiously Continues to Outsell Scientology

“How the f*ck does this happen?” screamed COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige.

“How does a breakfast sandwich outsell Scientology for 50 years?”

“The agonized fate of every man, woman, and child on this planet is at stake and a goddamned breakfast sandwich outsells us and has done so for 50 years!!!”

Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion slumped down in his chair and furtively swept the crumbs of an Egg McMuffin from his face. As Delusion moved, the paper wrapper of the breakfast sandwich on his lap crumpled and made a noise.

COB spotted the telltale yellow wrapper. Whereupon, COB hurled his body across the table and pummeled Delusion.

COB thereafter ordered an immediate $500 million IAS fundraising program to find a way to out create the Egg McMuffin with a new Scientology Super Power breakfast sandwich.

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