“COVID-19 is killing vampires at an alarming rate,” warned Dr. Ken Delusion. “And this includes the vampires who work as Scientology regges.”
“Vampires drink infected blood and they die. And when vampires die, their billions of vampire body thetans are released into the atmosphere!” warned Dr. Delusion who serves as the Director of the Scientology Global Vampire BT Monitoring Task Force.
“There are now billions of vampire body thetans floating around the world attaching themselves to the general population,” Delusion solemnly informed the public.
“This global deluge of Vampire BT’s is part of what is making 2020 such a horrible year!”
“The only way for people to stay safe is to report to their nearest Scientology Ideal Org to get handled on our new Scientology Vampire BT Eradication Rundown.”
“Priced at only $49,500, this new Scientology rundown will locate and blow all of your vampire BT’s. As a result, your life will improve in many unspecified and dramatic ways by as much as 7,000%!”
“Come in as soon as possible to keep yourself safe from these billions of marauding vampire BT’s!”