OTVIIIisGrrr8!

David Miscavige Accepts Jesus as His Personal Savior

jesus-calls-wallpapersDavid Miscavige clutched a Bible in his hands. He humbly stared down at his feet and began slowly speaking.

“I am a changed man since I accepted Jesus as my personal lord and savior… I see the error of my ways, the lies, the abuse… it was all wrong.”

“I grew up in the Church of Scientology… I didn’t know any better… I didn’t know it was wrong to lie, to beat people, and to take people’s money by making them buy the same old books and trophies over and over. I am… I must confess, the hapless victim of a religious cult.”

DM,101“But now I’m a new man and I want to begin a new life.”

“I want to turn over a new leaf. My plan is to open and fund a charity to help people at the scenes of accidents. To teach children how to read….”

“Oh please! Let me stop you right there Mr. Miscavige,” said the Federal judge. “I am not swayed by your religious conversion. The court rejects your plea for clemency and sentences you to twenty-five years to life!”

“Bailiffs! Take him away!”

David Miscavige awoke from yet another nightmare, his third one in a week.

 

Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!

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3 replies »

  1. I just heard from Jesus. He said he’d prefer not to be associated with David Miscavige. “Prostitutes, tax collectors and sinners in general I can handle. Assholes by choice…even I draw the line,” he said.

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  2. Jeezus H. F/N Christ on a crutch. I lost some case gain just reading this article. I sure am glad it turned out that Capt’n Mr. COB David Miscavige was just having a nightmare as we Scientologists all do every Wednesday night. If we sleep at all.

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