Xenu Arrested for DUI After Colliding With Santa Claus

“Xenu was 3x over the legal limit,” said State Trooper Rock Slammer. “Xenu didn’t even realize he had flown into Santa’s sleigh until we were handcuffing him at the scene for DUI.”

“Left unexplained is how he escaped from his electronic mountain prison and stole a saucer for what turned out to be his felonious drunken Yuletide joyride.”

“Santa was not injured and continued on his journey to deliver presents.”


6 replies »

  1. But what about Santa’s reindeer Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen? Are they okay? If they’re hurt, Xenu should be locked up and the key thrown away!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Santa’s reindeer were given both touch assists and nerve assists at the scene by Scientology Volunteer Ministers. The reindeer were then audited on the impact of Xenu’s runaway saucer. This was a mutual incident which, had it not been handled immediately, would have created a deadly Reindeer BT Cluster.

      No need to thank us in Scientology for saving Christmas. We were only doing our job because we had to: Scientologists are the only ones who can help at the scene of accidents.


  2. This means that Tom Cruise was on the scene, as he is the only one who can fix a car (saucer and sleigh) wreck. What a guy. DM will be proud.


  3. I told Xenu not to put the Boeing MCAS into his spaceship, but he wouldn’t listen. No wonder he crashed!

    State trooper Rock Slammer, now that’s funny!


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