While the the wogs were buzzing with the Christmas R6 implant, we in the Church of Scientology labored at Lunar Base 47. Our goal: Conquest of the Earth by Scientology. Galactic Fleet Admiral David Miscavige knew that the lawsuits and criminal investigations would end once he conquered Teegeeack. “Prepare the death beams,” Miscavige ordered. “Our attack begins in Hollywood! We launch now!”
CRITICAL MISSION UPDATE:
The Scientology rocket was launched and suddenly veered wildly off course.
“We should never have contracted with Boeing to build our rocket,” said Scientology Space Commander Ken Delusion. “Boeing can’t make rockets work correctly. Now Galactic Fleet Admiral David Miscavige and crew are headed straight into the Sun. Worse, they can’t override Boeing’s software.”
“We have a call into Tom Cruise; he is Scientology’s only hope to avert this disaster,” Delusion grimly noted before heading off to Acapulco for the holidays.
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
As a medical man it’s no wonder to me it veered off course — it’s a suppository.
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