Scientology Uses Kiosks to Save the City of Los Angeles!

The City of Angels was in danger of being taken over by criminal elements as waves of murders and narcotics trafficking ravaged the once fabled city. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse loomed on the horizon!

But then Scientology stepped in with its social betterment programs to save Los Angeles in the same way it had saved Colombian from the wave of killings, drug cartels, and FARC rebels.

Scientology installed informational kiosks in all Los Angeles Police Department Divisional headquarters. LAPD officers handed out copies of The Way to Happiness. Volunteer Ministers handed out copies of Scientology’s anti-drug booklets. Suddenly, crime plunged to historic levels in Los Angeles!

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” enthused LAPD Captain Cory Palka. “There’s  no crime anywhere! Now my days can be spent in my squad car eating donuts and drinking coffee! It’s just like the good ol’ days now that Los Angeles has become Mayberry RFD thanks to Scientology! This is all due to the benevolence and greatness of David Miscavige! Thank you sir!”

Scientology ecclesiastical leader David Miscavige will be given the “Gold Key to the City of Los Angeles” medal by Sheriff Lee Baca in a special ceremony in the Barbados next week.

7 replies »

  1. Me. B has been traveling through Big Sky country. I got this fantastic news on my mobile GAT II Issue Telex machine and I have to say I was rocketed up the Tone Scale faster than a reg could empty your purse.

    I stopped into the Two Dot Ideal Org to have a look see and do a couple hours of TRs to calm myself down a bit. The IAS must have instituted the same crime reduction program in Two Dot cuz there was ZERO evidence of crime!!! ZERO!!! I do have to report that the Way To Happiness kiosk was riddled with shotgun blasts but I’m sure that was a result of a few exuberant wogs exercising their 2nd Amendment rights and not being careful to avoid harming religious monuments.

    I also found that not only is crime WAY down in Two Dot, so is the population. When the Ideal Org opened, people just seemed to vanish. As long as the Ideal Org can make at least 1 Clear in the next decade, Two Dot has a good chance of becoming the first Clear Town (and winning the birthday game)!!! Who says us Scientologists aren’t winning?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is off-policy!! The only valid kiosk in Scientology is one that takes your money and gives nothing in return. This is COB’s way!


  3. Meh; old newz.

    Mickey, Joey Stones an’ Jilly had a kiosk ovah at Ramparts for a timeshare scam de waz runnin’. Deh mustah dun them flatfoots fuh at least $2 mill n’ change, seein’ dat it promished “ocean views” near Tijuana. Stoopid fucks.

    Anywayz, deh waz doin’ alright until dey took Darrell Gates for half a mil; talk about a shit-storm! No more kiosks, doh deh did pretty well wit the valet service deh set-up in da back, especially afta’ deh put a wire in ol’ Gatsies’ limo!


    • Should we in RTC ever require a mobile charging kiosk in Ahmadabad we will contact you; this assuming you are Scientologists in good standing and you are current on your IAS dues and statuses.


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