We in Scientology wish to apologize for any misunderstanding over the installation of our kiosk in the public lobby of the LAPD Hollywood Division station house.
What was supposed to have been installed was a bust of L. Ron Hubbard. The error has been corrected and the LRH bust in now on display in the lobby.
The City of Angels was in danger of being taken over by criminal elements as waves of murders and narcotics trafficking ravaged the once fabled city. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse loomed on the horizon!
But then Scientology stepped in with its social betterment programs to save Los Angeles in the same way it had saved Colombian from the wave of killings, drug cartels, and FARC rebels.
Scientology installed informational kiosks in all Los Angeles Police Department Divisional headquarters. LAPD officers handed out copies of The Way to Happiness. Volunteer Ministers handed out copies of Scientology’s anti-drug booklets. Suddenly, crime plunged to historic levels in Los Angeles!
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” enthused LAPD Captain Cory Palka. “There’s no crime anywhere! Now my days can be spent in my squad car eating donuts and drinking coffee! It’s just like the good ol’ days now that Los Angeles has become Mayberry RFD thanks to Scientology! This is all due to the benevolence and greatness of David Miscavige! Thank you sir!”
Scientology ecclesiastical leader David Miscavige will be given the “Gold Key to the City of Los Angeles” medal by Sheriff Lee Baca in a special ceremony in the Barbados next week.