Scientology’s ultra-secret Church of Spiritual Technology has spent hundreds of millions of dollars constructing nuclear-proof underground vaults to protect the works of the Founder. When Armageddon occurs the survivors will be able to read and hear the written and spoken words of the Founder.
But what happens in the “Henry Bemis Scenario” when a survivor of Armageddon accidentally breaks his or her eyeglasses or begins to lose their hearing? If this happens — and it will happen following Armageddon — then Scientology’s Tech cannot go forward and will die! All will be lost!
To prevent the tragic Henry Bemis Scenario, we in the Church of Scientology are on an emergency fundraise with a goal of $250,000,000 USD.
These monies will be used to build robotic optometry and hearing aid facilities at all CST vaults. Only by doing this can we guarantee the future survival of Scientology.
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Gawd I hope this fundraise goes well and the measly $250.000,000 is raised in a couple of hours. It should be easy if every one of the eleventy billion Scientologists on this Planet donate only about 2 buck 25 (USD). When Scientologists get this message on their telex they can then wire the money to CST and ‘Bob’s your uncle’. Easily done before 2:00pm next Thursday fer sure.
It’s a small price to pay to guarantee one is able to see and hear the Tech after Armageddon. Of course once one goes Clear, glasses and hearing aids will no longer be necessary. COB is so thoughtful when it comes to those of us who haven’t yet rocketed up The Bridge to Total Freedom using GAT II Tech.
I’m wondering – if I throw in an extra buck, will I get a map to my nearest nuke proof Underground Bunker? Or, maybe perhaps the GPS coordinates for my ‘smart telex’ to decipher? Will Scientology TV be available or will it be shut down because those who don’t survive Armageddon (all those except us Special People) will just be crispy critters anyway so why disseminate to dead meat?
LikeLiked by 1 person
As an OTVIII (which is great by the way from what I hear) you know that OT’s have perfect hearing and eyesight, and thus no need for glasses or hearind aids.
You wouldn’t be trying to pull the wool over our eyes would you?
Because I am quite capable of pulling the wool over my own eyes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
As the most ethical group on the planet, we in Scientology would never lie to you or anyone else Shorpy. The robotic optometry and hearing aid facilities at all CST vaults will be built when Earth technologies reach COB’s vision for such facilities. The planned opening date for these facilities is 3045 AD.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What the RTC & cob do not know is this. Near where I live there will be a drone port for the military.,seriously. So I happen to have a drone which will be able to penetrate all the bunkers cob has dug out & this drone will be able to record, All that goes on in those mausoleum vaults. Take perfect pictures of all Ron’s Delusional words and there is nothing Scientology can do about it. My drone is the size of an insect plus it has Thetan Proof Reflective panels that cause a Thetan to recoil in horror when viewing the black mass of their OTness. Thank you for the heads up OT8 you are the leader of the surprise drone flyovers, & you are a treasure. 💌
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bwaaahaha….
All your base are belong to us.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your local IDEAL Scientology org has an even more critical emergency!! It’s the “we sent all our income to COB so now we can’t pay the utility bills, and can’t even pay for toilet paper” emergency!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Why do staff members at downstat Orgs constantly whine about having no electricity and no toilet paper? The technical fact is that your lack of havingness is because you pulled it in due to LOW OR NO PRODUCTION! It’s right there in policy! It’s not our job in RTC to see that your asses are wiped or that you have electricity so stop with the hat dumping! It’s your job to MAKE IT GO RIGHT! No stop with the nattering or you will be beaten once again!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’d be cheaper to charter a DC-9 to Target Two.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sure, chartering DC-9 spaceplanes and blowing this prison planet would be easy. But it’s the coward’s way out. No, we in Scientology are committed to staying here on Teegeeack and salvaging this mudball or dying in the attempt. While this may sound like phony heroics it’s actually quite OT.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Why the need for robots etc. Can’t you just pay the 5 million Clears who have perfect recall $50 each to live on low dosage of 50,000 gm of Niacin per hour and then after the cultastrophe go stand on street corners and bark out “Come one, come all, hear the good news: scientology is here to rescue you.
LikeLike
PS. Will you include the Process to ‘bring back the dead’ ’cause I heard that scientology is already deceased and desisted?
LikeLike