“Heading into negotiations with the violent and insane leader of North Korea, President Trump felt he needed a far more violent and insane American to serve as Secretary of State for what will surely be vicious negotiations — negotiations that will very likely need to be solved by a good ol’ fashioned ass-kicking that includes choking, punching, and even a set of brass knuckles or a hard kick to the nutsack if extra persuasion is needed,” said Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion.
“Given these requirements, President Trump felt that Scientology leader David Miscavige would be the perfect man to serve as America’s new Secretary of State.”
“Frankly,” Delusion added, “as Secretary of State, Tillerson never even once engaged in a bloody beatdown of a foreign despot. Tillerson never understood that real diplomacy involves fists, cruise missiles, fake news, honeypot traps, Novichok agents, blackmail, bribery and whatever else is required to confront and shatter suppression on the global stage. Mr. Miscavige understands how to handle SP’s!”
“Fresh off his staggering triumph of launching Scientology Media Productions, Mr. Miscavige has proven that he has an uncorrupted communication line to the billions of people on this prison planet. President Trump was impressed by the fact that SMP reached 55.7 billion people in its first 24 hours of broadcasting and that 22.6 billion people signed up for a Scientology introductory course as a result.”
Bad idea. Miscavige will want to overthrow Trump and achieve total power.
He is already giving Kim Jong Un tips on how to brainwash Trump into submission, and he will turn our embassies around the world into Scientology orgs.
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What would be wrong if all American embassies became Scientology Orgs? That would help us clear the planet even faster. Speed of particle flow, that sort of thing.
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Davy will like hanging with Donnie. They’ll go to some shit holes, grab some pussy, bang a porn star or two and have Russian hookers pee on them. Very theta. It wasn’t Rex’s style but Davy should fit right in. Donnie might even show him how to tweet while taking a dump at 3:00 am.
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David Miscavige is the most ethical being in the universe and would never do such things. On the other hand, Mr. Miscavige is always up for some nude Greco-Roman wrestling with Tom Cruise.
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COB and Kim Jong Un will become BFFs!! They are alike in so many ways – irrational and violent, have slaves, live in luxury, and expect to be worshiped as gods.
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