MV Freewinds Accidentally Scrapped

“Captain Mike Napier was at Flag for a heavy Ethics cycle. This left Ensign Nandor Vörös in charge of the vessel. In what has to be the worst telex error in the entire history of Scientology, the MV Freewinds was scrapped this past week,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion.

“Captain Napier had left orders for the ship to be ‘scraped‘ as in ‘scrape off the barnacles and the hull in preparation for painting.’ However, Ensign Vörös, whose native language is Hungarian, read the telex incorrectly and had the vessel immediately scrapped in a shipbreaking yard in Colombia.”

“A Comm Ev found that no clay demo of the order to scrape the ship had been done. $100,000,000 is needed right now for a new ship. OTIX and OTX cannot be delivered as promised without a new ship,” Delusion noted. “COB has also ordered a stop to OTVIII as that level too can can only be done on a ship.”

“The sudden loss of the ship is a disaster for Scientology Media Productions as well, “Delusion added. “SMP’s first swashbuckling feature film Scientology: Buggery on the High Seas was to be shot aboard the Freewinds. Based on an LRH screenplay, the film was to be broadcast globally by SMP. COB has fired off an RTC why-finding mission to ferret out the hidden Psychs behind this fiasco!”

7 replies »

  1. COB was planning to film and be the main star of a new reality series on the SlaveWinds. The series is for SMP, and is titled, “How to SCOHB”. As everyone knows, COB is the world’s foremost expert in SCOHB. This also interferes with another planned reality series on the SlaveWinds: “How to Donkey Punch”, featuring Danny Masterson.

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  2. Fear not good people. The film, Scientology: Buggery on the High Seas can still go forward. I’m going to suggest that SMP and Golden Era Studios team up and make a retro style film using the famous ‘Star of California’ at Int Base instead of a modern ship like the Freewinds. I think the walking the plank scenes as well as the cabin boy scenes would be much more authentic and bring a touch of Sea Org nostalgia to this much anticipated production. As for the fate of the Freewinds, IAS trophies can be forged from the scrap and a tidy profit can be had by all involved. In Scientology there is always a silver lining to unfortunate mistakes. Instead of a Comm Ev, I think the good Ensign with the crashing MUs and Clay Table goofs should be the first to get to play the role of cabin boy to make amends for his errors. It would save valuable goldenrod and ensure an ‘all Scientology’ cast instead of recruiting homosexual actors from some disgusting back alley of Hollywood.

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