Scientology Media Productions collapsed today on a sidewalk and was rushed to the Hollywood Religious Hospital by paramedics. “SMP’s prognosis is grim,” said staff specialist Dr. Metah Bolic. “My colleagues report that SMP suffered a catastrophic rupture of its credibility given the fact that it has produced no product for over a year since its grand opening.”
“Hollywood insiders have long suspected that SMP was just another Scientology scam,” remarked Dr. Bolic who specializes in Fraudology at the Hollywood Religious Hospital. “And today’s tests seem to confirm it. Fraud is blocking SMP’s coronary arteries. SMP is basically in a vegetative state, wearing a diaper, and on life support.”
“OT’s have been at the hospital’s Intensive Care Unit all day yelling ‘come back into that body!‘ commands at SMP,” Dr. Metah Bolic stated. “But so far no luck. It appears that the thetan of SMP has left the body and only the genetic entity remains. The Church of Scientology will soon need to consider pulling the plug on SMP and ending this useless, tragic, and expensive farce.”
COB is stuck between a rock and a hard place…Can he claim Marty’s award winning series as SuMP production? How about MV? Still waiting for that talk show with Rev. Farrakhan. Any updates?
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“SMP is in dire condition,” conceded Scientology Media Czar Ken Delusion. “The Emmy-considered program The Marty Chronicles has bombed. We had big hopes for this dead agent caper and yet it has flopped. It was a daring show, particularly COB’s choice to have Marty wear the same outfit for all 22,118 episodes.”
“COB feels that only a ‘Duggan level’ infusion of Platinum Tyrannosaurus Rex level cash can save SMP,” Delusion noted. “Still, we’ll take any amount of money to help save SMP. We have a warehouse full of trophies ready to hand out. Please call with a donation right away. The entire agonized future of every man, woman, and child on this planet is at stake if SMP succumbs to the 4th dynamic engram.”
Ah, you see: only goes to prove they should have listened to me in the first place (and submitted to the ministrations of my voluptuous yet strict assistant Nurse Tsai-Chin Proutley). That Bolic fellows talks complete bollocks at the best of times…