Following the sudden firing of Kathy Griffin, Jenna Elfman has been hired as the new face of Squatty Potty.
“This relief couldn’t come at a better time for Jenna,” said VP Ken Delusion of Scientology Media Productions. “Imaginary Mary went ‘plop’ and almost killed Jenna’s career.”
“Jenna’s agent negotiated a great deal with Squatty Potty that gives her back end participation plus residuals,” Delusion noted. “We at SMP are glad to see Jenna back to work.”
“And now if Anne Archer and Kelly Preston can win the coveted mother and daughter roles for the new Stairlift ad campaign, then we’ll have three top Scientology New OTVIII’s positioned very well with the middle class concerns of bowel movements and growing old.”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Ken Delusion, Jenna Elfman HAS A CAREER? I mean other than attending COS events? I had no idea!
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Don’t forget your Poo-Pourri®©, Jenna!
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I’m going to have to write a KR on Jenna. Just cuz she’s getting some ‘backend participation plus residuals’ doesn’t mean she has to go all PTS to the middle class here. Any dedicated Scientologist knows that the fastest way to empty a sluggish bowel is to just visit their Ethics Officer/MAA for a regular Sec Check. If you’re really bound up (withholding) a five hour gang-bang Sec Check should do the trick. Follow that up with increasing your IAS Status and you won have enough money for even a scant ration of rice n beans. No food = no need to eliminate or any other meat body dramatization. Get your shit together Jenna just the thought of Jenna + backend + residuals makes for one disgusting MIP.
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