Following the sudden firing of Kathy Griffin, Jenna Elfman has been hired as the new face of Squatty Potty.
“This relief couldn’t come at a better time for Jenna,” said VP Ken Delusion of Scientology Media Productions. “Imaginary Marywent ‘plop’ and almost killed Jenna’s career.”
“Jenna’s agent negotiated a great deal with Squatty Potty that gives her back end participation plus residuals,” Delusion noted. “We at SMP are glad to see Jenna back to work.”
“And now if Anne Archer and Kelly Preston can win the coveted mother and daughter roles for the new Stairlift ad campaign, then we’ll have three top Scientology New OTVIII’s positioned very well with the middle class concerns of bowel movements and growing old.”
“As a Scientology OT, Jenna Elfman’s ability to telepathically audit her BT’s made her a natural to play the part of a grown woman who talks to an imaginary childhood friend,” said an ABC executive who spoke under the condition of anonymity.
“However, yes, I have to agree that once we actually made two episodes of Imaginary Mary, the show does come off as freakish, unnatural, and bizarre,” admitted the exec. “We at ABC plan to dispose of this ill-conceived bomb of a show quietly and without sorrow after a few episodes.”
Meanwhile, on her Reddit AMA, Jenna Elfman did not exactly show the OT powers we in RTC expect from our OT’s. There were also SP Joker’s and Degraders:
Jenna was so very highly enturbulated by recent events that she dramatized her upset by leaping from a second story window. Fortunately, Tom Cruise was there to treat her at the scene of this accident:
Scientology OT Jenna Elfman spotted Psychiatric chemtrails being sprayed in the skies above her home in the Hollywood Hills. Acting with OT speed of particle flow, Jenna alerted the general populace:
An elite team of our expert Scientology-trained nuclear physicists — all recent SRD completions — was dispatched to scene to collect samples. These Scientology scientists found airborne psych drugs and rose-scented perfume in the chemtrails!
Only the Church of Scientology can keep you safe from this menace!
File under: You can’t make this stuff up! The Church of Scientology and its members frequently deliver bigotry, racism, vulgarity, profanity, footbullets, and stupidity on a silver platter. No one needs to caricature the Church of Scientology when Scientologists do such a good job of making a complete mockery of Scientology all by themselves.
Example: Scientology OT’s Bodhi and Jenna Elfman continue on with their campaign to prove they have become irrelevant celebutards. In a New Year’s day tweet, Bodhi Elfman has engaged in the worst stereotyping of Native Americans to tweet greetings from “Chief Ferocious Jew & Squaw Hot Momma.”
More Scientology OT Racism: In the video below of the Squirrel Busters attacking Marty Rathbun at LAX, Scientologist Izzy Chait speaks to Marty beginning @ 3:33 concerning Scientology’s Inglewood Org: “Don’t fucking talk to me about Inglewood! I started Inglewood… there was never any fucking Black people in the Church before…don’t talk to me about schwartzes*…if you want to talk about Black people or the Nation of Islam or Inglewood, I’m the man to talk to and ask the questions….”
*schwartze: A German word meaning “black”, but was incorporated into American Jewish slang to be a derogatory term towards black people .If you are black and someone uses the word “schwartze” in their conversation in your general direction, chances are he shooting racial slurs at you.
In one of her 2015 YouTube videos (below) Jenna Elfman declared that she would “blow a horse” if she could stay home and watch Netflix all day. See below at 15:26:
This video is a nice complement to Scientology celebutard Juliette Lewis showing just how theta and OT she can be:
In addition to being a Scientology actor, Juliette Lewis is also is a famous OT singing sensation:
Scientology OT’s Grant and Elena Cardone have shown us their high ARC to wogs everywhere:
Scientology OT goodwill ambassador Kirstie Alley is right there with the Cardone’s in saying “fuck you” to anyone who does not care for Scientology:
Scientologist Danny Masterson said in his 2015 Paper magazine interview that Scientology critics can go fuck themselves. The Huffington Post and many other outlets picked up on Danny Masterson’s OTness:
In an exclusive Los Angeles Times story by Kim Christensen, it was revealed that David Miscavige had his two private investigators following his father. The PI’s called Miscavige to let him know that his father was apparently having a heart attack and asked if they should intervene. Miscavige said no. “If he dies he dies,” said David Miscavige about his own father. We know this happened because the two PI’s were later arrested with guns, a silencer, and a horde of ammunition. In order to beat a felony charge for the silencer, the PI’s apparently told the police everything. A police officer is shown in the photo below holding the silencer the PI’s had on a semiautomatic rifle:
Tony Ortega, Vanity Fair, and many other outlets reported on the story. Through his sockpuppet Karin Pouw, Miscavige declared the entire story “proveable bullshit.” Vanity Fair received this response from Miscavige’s attorney Lee Hertzberg:
So let me be clear: No such conversation with Mr. Miscavige ever took place and any claim that one did is provable bullshit.”
He lists some of Scientology’s selling points: its drug-abuse, prison-rehabilitation and education programs. “Some people, well, if they don’t like Scientology, well, then, fuck you.” He rises from the table. “Really.” He points an angry finger at the imaginary enemy. “Fuck you.” His face reddens. “Period.”
And who can forget 2014’s memorable scene with top Scientology executives Jenny Linson, Dave Bloomberg, and Marc Yager attacking Marty Rathbun at LAX? If Jenny Linson acted this way in a secular corporation she would be immediately terminated for cause. However, as she works for David Miscavige she can behave in this inexcusable manner:
Scientologist Jenna Elfman successfully lined the Church of Scientology’s pockets with $10,000 when she successfully scammed Legoland California by representing an apparently noble group named Youth for Human Rights.
What Elfman apparently failed to tell Legoland was that “Youth for Human Rights” was a phony Scientology front group. Ooops! Elfman’s scam, really part of her cruel joke, was that “human rights” do not exist inside the Church of Scientology or any of it’s phony front groups.
Elfman played a perfect scam: A bait and switch con that left the victim so embarrassed that it will not report this matter to the authorities. Indeed, Legoland management today attempted to sweep this sordid matter under the carpet and move on with life.
For her A+ cultic connivance and epic scammery, the American Fraud and Scam Practitioners Society, a social betterment group of the Church of Scientology which encourages and rewards the creative and innovation in Scientology fundraising, has awarded Elfman its highly coveted “Fraudie” award.
Past winners of the Fraudie include Sea Org Captain Stayta Kleer, inventor of the shiny and ornate IAS trophies given in exchange for free money from IAS members.
We in RTC are incensed by the profane and sexually explicit YouTube videos made by Bodhi and Jenna Elfman. Sexually explicit and vulgar talk in public is conduct unbecoming a Clear. Therefore, the Clear certificates of Jenna and Bodhi Elfman are hereby cancelled.
The OUT PR conduct and videos of Jenna and Bodhi Elfman are violative of the high moral standards of the Church of Scientology.
Jenna Elfman @15:26 – “I’d blow a horse to be able to sit around all day and watch Netflix…”
Using the “F word” and talking about blowjobs and blowing a horse after letting the world know they have attained OT states is not acceptable. Therefore, all certificates above Clear for Bodhi and Jenna Elfman are also hereby cancelled.
Return Program for Jenna and Bodhi Elfman:
1. Jenna and Bodhi must redo their entire Bridge at their own expense.
2. Jenna and Bodhi must make a monumental and heroic donation to the IAS to make up for the horrific damage done they have done to the group.
3. Jenna and Bodhi must cease their public vulgarity so as not to further harm the spotless ethical reputation of the Church of Scientology.
If this conduct persists, Jenna and Bodhi Elfman will be declared Type III and ordered onto the Introspection Rundown by the Sr. C/S Int. Needless to say, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige is not amused.
