Scientologists Jenna Elfman, Laura Prepon, Erika Christensen, and Danny Masterson in the “good old days” before Masterson was accused of raping four women
“Danny Masterson’s traditional appearance as Santa Claus at the Scientology Celebrity Centre’s Christmas gala has been cancelled,” said Church spokesman Ken Delusion.
When asked to comment on the allegations that Scientologist Danny “Donkey Punch” Masterson raped four women, and may have even choked or drugged them during the alleged rapes, Delusion stated, ““The Church adamantly denies the implication the Church would ignore the criminal behavior of certain members, especially at the expense of alleged victims. What is being stated is utterly untrue. This has nothing to do with religion. This story is being manipulated to push a bigoted agenda. The Church follows all laws and cooperates with law enforcement. Any statement or implication to the contrary is false.”
When asked what his bloviating non-statement actually meant, Delusion remarked that if saving Scientology meant throwing Masterson under the bus then COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has decreed that this would happen. “Look,” Delusion said, “the Democrats are going to throw Senator Al Franken under the bus to save the party. Well then we in Scientology are doing the same thing with Danny Masterson after our extensive efforts at stonewalling and bribery have failed. Our friends at the LAPD and the L.A. District Attorney’s Office are getting real nervous about the Masterson situation. And if they’re nervous why then Mr. Miscavige is nervous too.”
“If Danny Masterson is convicted and goes to prison then it means that he was never a real Scientologist. Delusion noted. “Therefore, declaring him an SP and getting rid of him is the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics.”
Netflix could not be reached for comment as it was hiding under its desk and had the door to its office locked.
The Hollywood Reporter today announced that Scientology OT8 Jenna Elfman has been recruited as a regular on season 4 of “Fear the Walking Dead.”
Finally! Wog television gets it right! Jenna’s career has been part of the Walking Dead for decades. Now she has a role that uniquely fits her strange and unfunny OT beingness.
Following the sudden firing of Kathy Griffin, Jenna Elfman has been hired as the new face of Squatty Potty.
“This relief couldn’t come at a better time for Jenna,” said VP Ken Delusion of Scientology Media Productions. “Imaginary Marywent ‘plop’ and almost killed Jenna’s career.”
“Jenna’s agent negotiated a great deal with Squatty Potty that gives her back end participation plus residuals,” Delusion noted. “We at SMP are glad to see Jenna back to work.”
“And now if Anne Archer and Kelly Preston can win the coveted mother and daughter roles for the new Stairlift ad campaign, then we’ll have three top Scientology New OTVIII’s positioned very well with the middle class concerns of bowel movements and growing old.”
“As a Scientology OT, Jenna Elfman’s ability to telepathically audit her BT’s made her a natural to play the part of a grown woman who talks to an imaginary childhood friend,” said an ABC executive who spoke under the condition of anonymity.
“However, yes, I have to agree that once we actually made two episodes of Imaginary Mary, the show does come off as freakish, unnatural, and bizarre,” admitted the exec. “We at ABC plan to dispose of this ill-conceived bomb of a show quietly and without sorrow after a few episodes.”
Meanwhile, on her Reddit AMA, Jenna Elfman did not exactly show the OT powers we in RTC expect from our OT’s. There were also SP Joker’s and Degraders:
Jenna was so very highly enturbulated by recent events that she dramatized her upset by leaping from a second story window. Fortunately, Tom Cruise was there to treat her at the scene of this accident:
Scientology OT Jenna Elfman spotted Psychiatric chemtrails being sprayed in the skies above her home in the Hollywood Hills. Acting with OT speed of particle flow, Jenna alerted the general populace:
An elite team of our expert Scientology-trained nuclear physicists — all recent SRD completions — was dispatched to scene to collect samples. These Scientology scientists found airborne psych drugs and rose-scented perfume in the chemtrails!
Only the Church of Scientology can keep you safe from this menace!
File under: You can’t make this stuff up! The Church of Scientology and its members frequently deliver bigotry, racism, vulgarity, profanity, footbullets, and stupidity on a silver platter. No one needs to caricature the Church of Scientology when Scientologists do such a good job of making a complete mockery of Scientology all by themselves.
Example: Scientology OT’s Bodhi and Jenna Elfman continue on with their campaign to prove they have become irrelevant celebutards. In a New Year’s day tweet, Bodhi Elfman has engaged in the worst stereotyping of Native Americans to tweet greetings from “Chief Ferocious Jew & Squaw Hot Momma.”
More Scientology OT Racism: In the video below of the Squirrel Busters attacking Marty Rathbun at LAX, Scientologist Izzy Chait speaks to Marty beginning @ 3:33 concerning Scientology’s Inglewood Org: “Don’t fucking talk to me about Inglewood! I started Inglewood… there was never any fucking Black people in the Church before…don’t talk to me about schwartzes*…if you want to talk about Black people or the Nation of Islam or Inglewood, I’m the man to talk to and ask the questions….”
*schwartze: A German word meaning “black”, but was incorporated into American Jewish slang to be a derogatory term towards black people .If you are black and someone uses the word “schwartze” in their conversation in your general direction, chances are he shooting racial slurs at you.
In one of her 2015 YouTube videos (below) Jenna Elfman declared that she would “blow a horse” if she could stay home and watch Netflix all day. See below at 15:26:
This video is a nice complement to Scientology celebutard Juliette Lewis showing just how theta and OT she can be:
In addition to being a Scientology actor, Juliette Lewis is also is a famous OT singing sensation:
Scientology OT’s Grant and Elena Cardone have shown us their high ARC to wogs everywhere:
Scientology OT goodwill ambassador Kirstie Alley is right there with the Cardone’s in saying “fuck you” to anyone who does not care for Scientology:
Scientologist Danny Masterson said in his 2015 Paper magazine interview that Scientology critics can go fuck themselves. The Huffington Post and many other outlets picked up on Danny Masterson’s OTness:
In an exclusive Los Angeles Times story by Kim Christensen, it was revealed that David Miscavige had his two private investigators following his father. The PI’s called Miscavige to let him know that his father was apparently having a heart attack and asked if they should intervene. Miscavige said no. “If he dies he dies,” said David Miscavige about his own father. We know this happened because the two PI’s were later arrested with guns, a silencer, and a horde of ammunition. In order to beat a felony charge for the silencer, the PI’s apparently told the police everything. A police officer is shown in the photo below holding the silencer the PI’s had on a semiautomatic rifle:
Tony Ortega, Vanity Fair, and many other outlets reported on the story. Through his sockpuppet Karin Pouw, Miscavige declared the entire story “proveable bullshit.” Vanity Fair received this response from Miscavige’s attorney Lee Hertzberg:
So let me be clear: No such conversation with Mr. Miscavige ever took place and any claim that one did is provable bullshit.”
He lists some of Scientology’s selling points: its drug-abuse, prison-rehabilitation and education programs. “Some people, well, if they don’t like Scientology, well, then, fuck you.” He rises from the table. “Really.” He points an angry finger at the imaginary enemy. “Fuck you.” His face reddens. “Period.”
And who can forget 2014’s memorable scene with top Scientology executives Jenny Linson, Dave Bloomberg, and Marc Yager attacking Marty Rathbun at LAX? If Jenny Linson acted this way in a secular corporation she would be immediately terminated for cause. However, as she works for David Miscavige she can behave in this inexcusable manner:
