Scientology: Confess Your Crime of Celebrating Christmas!


So you thought you could celebrate Christmas without we in Scientology finding out? Well you were wrong! And you will not be released from Scientology interrogation until you give us a full written confession.

You know how wrong Christmas is. You know Christmas is an R6 implant created by the Psychs. And the money you wasted “celebrating with family and friends” is a very serious crime! We in Scientology needed that money to help clear the planet.

You’re in very serious trouble. Even after you confess to the crime of celebrating Christmas — and you will — you’re still looking at beatings and decades of hard time in a Scientology prison. But please, take your time writing out your full confession. We in are in a jovial mood you see. For while you were celebrating Christmas we in RTC were celebrating another year of not getting caught while the money kept rolling in from our foolish little parishioners. COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige is also very happy with the 100 kilograms of gold bars he received from the Sea Org as a Christmas gift.


5 replies »

  1. After you confess, to make amends you must give all your money to COB!! COB celebrates Christmas by physically beating a dozen Sea Org slaves. It makes him feel more manly!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, here it is, the day after Christmas and I have to say I had a very festive Christmas Day celebration!!!! You see, I didn’t do the typical wog materialistic, over the top, R-6ie shit. I rose above my case and did the right thing. I spent the day at my Ideal Org volunteering in Central Files. What a joyous time I had!!!!! First off, I wrote some KRs on all the people that I thought should be there helping out, who weren’t. Then I got down to business. Let me tell you, my stats and the Org’s stats were UP!!!! I plowed through the ‘A’s and almost finished. I got all the way to ‘Augustine’ at about 11:45pm. I have to tell you, This Augustine fellow’s file looks pretty interesting. Instead of passing on the information to some illiterate, un-word cleared, foreigner who is doing Letter Reg work, I think I’m just going to go back to the Org tomorrow and give this gentleman a call. I’m sure that he will be easy to recover so he can get going again on The Bridge To Total Freedom and achieve the spiritual freedom we all desire. I’m just so eager to talk to him and rekindle his failed purposes.

    I had so much fun on Christmas Day this year I can hardly wait for next year. Then I had this incredible cog. I thought to myself, “why not make everyday Christmas?” So that’s what I’m going to do. It’s going to be spending time in Central Files everyday for me until everyone listed there is contacted and recovered!!!!!!!!!!! The side benefit to all of this charitable work was the free food. It seems someone from the local soup kitchen next door brought over some leftovers the homeless folks wouldn’t eat for the Org staff and we all wolfed down the soup kitchen scraps with great cheer.

    So here’s wishing everyone out there a Merry Christmas and another year of unshackled freedom and a planet cleared of insanity, war, crime and cults. (gawd I hope that soup kitchen is able to keep it’s doors open…)


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