COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige today announced that octogenarian Scientologist and OSA Subway sandwich operative Noelle North has become the world’s first OT X completion. This stupendous event occurred when Noelle North reached the EP of OT X by spontaneously morphing into an advanced and super-intelligent extraterrestrial being possessed of superhuman powers and perfect recall of the last four quadrillion years.
The news of the first OT X completion was met with great rage in the outer heavy gravity planets of our solar system.
“It has come to my attention,” declared Supreme Emperor Evisserppus VI of the Psychlo Confederation, “that OT X’s are approaching we Psychlo’s in mental and telepathic power!”
“OT X’s can go exterior and spy on our psychotronic CIA FB Black Ops. This means OT X’s can expose our plans for world domination via Psych drugs, rap, global capitalism, and R6 implant religions on their incredibly dull and boring websites that no one reads,” roared Evisserppus VI.
“Xenu be praised,” added the Emperor, “for while they have Scientology Media Productions, these Scientologists can’t even manage to hire enough wogs to produce high quality content in abundance like our side does. We will win this war!”