Dr. Dirk Duchebaag
“The evidence is conclusive,” said Dr. Dirk Duchebaag, the Director of the Church of Scientology’s Center for Science in the Public Interest.
“Global warming is linked to increased attacks upon the Church of Scientology by SP’s”
“Expressed in terms of science, SP attacks upon Scientology dump two hundred million tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere annually. This translates into fifty billion BTU’s of atmospheric heating. Shockingly, HBO’s Going Clear made this all exponentially worse by a factor of 5,000X! No wonder the glaciers are melting!”
“The chart shown below scientifically proves the following conclusions:
- Positive activities performed by the Church of Scientology definitively reduce global warming.
- Attacks on the Church dramatically increase global warming.
- Th fate of the planet absolutely depends upon Scientology being free from attacks by SP’s.
The implications of Scientology’s study is clear: A special set of laws need to be enacted immediately by the US Congress and the UN to give the Church of Scientology special protections from criticism while simultaneously rounding up SP’s and imprisoning them on a mass basis in concentration camps in Alaska. The old “Siberia Bill” in the US Congress can be easily revived and signed into law in order to protect Scientology while harshly punishing SP’s.”
“COB RTC David Miscavige addressed the Siberia Bill in his Emmy-winning appearance with wog journalist Ted Koppel”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Your graph is confusing. I am not used to numbers on each axis. But I always like an uptrend.
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DMSTCC: What word in the graph did you go past without understanding it? That is always the major barrier to study.
Of course, you also likely have hidden crimes and evil purposes against the Church. Further, there is no doubt you have blown up planets on the wholetrack and were PDH’d this lifetime by the Psychs.
Just to be on the safe side we in RTC are ordering you to Flag for 24 intensives of sec checking as well as the SRD and the Purif.
You’re a stalled case and we need to get you into session right away so you can get back to winning in life. You also need to come to cause over graphs and so we are programming you for the Flag-only Vital Graphs Rundown.
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Your deductions are all base-over-apex, as we statisticians say: the increases in global warming came AFTER whatever COB Captain Miscavige ordered—and not what the SPs did—which were conversely followed by a DECREASE in temperature. You of RTC need to turn your graph upside-down; after all, you’ve had enough practice with the ones you use in your IAS videos…
P.S. There is still the matter of an outstanding bill for recent therapeutic ministrations, which COB Captain Miscavige received with the Strabismus Mark XXVIII Psychotimeter at the hands of my nubile but strict assistant, Nurse Tsai-Chin Proutley. Prompt settlement would be much appreciated.
P.P.S. It is our considered professional opinion that there will be further statistical mishaps with you of RTC, until COB Captain Miscavige receives further urgent Psychotimeter therapy (prepaid of course).
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Base-over-apex! How dare you question the SCIENCE behind Scientology! As to your demand for payment of an allegedly overdue bill, the IAS has applied monies owed you towards a deluxe crystal Dianetics 65th anniversary inkwell just like the Founder used.
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BTU’s or BT’s?
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