“There are so many false and misleading advertisements these days that consumers don’t what is true and what is a lie,” declared noted internet researcher and consumer advocate Dr. Frank Wonderman.
Wonderman, the Executive Director of the Concerned Citizens for Truth in Advertising, decried false advertising as, “An attack by con artists, greedy corporations, robber barons, and the wealthy 1% upon the trust and goodwill of consumers everywhere.”
“Whether it is a misleading online ad for a flat screen television or ‘discount’ airline tickets that have hidden fees tacked on, false advertising is a bad for everyone.”
“And so that is why we of the Concerned Citizens for Truth in Advertising are raising awareness. We do so through the use of a very simple and powerful booklet appropriately entitled The Way to Truth in Advertising. ”
“This booklet contains a nonreligious code of advertising morality consisting of ten precepts that can be used by any person or group:
1. Do not lie in advertising.
2. Do not give false or misleading statistics in advertising.
3. Do not use photoshopped untruths in advertising.
4. Do not make promises in advertising that you cannot keep.
5. Promptly and cheerfully refund money to any unhappy customer who did not get that which he or she was promised in your advertising.
6. Do not use false advertising in an attempt to market and sell worthless gimmicks such as phony and meaningless social, political, or religious statuses.
7. Do not set dates in your fundraising advertising that you cannot keep. For example, do not promise to open your new facility “soon” when in fact “soon” is fifteen years in the future.
8. Do not use bait and switch in your advertising, for example do not promise absurd things such as ‘super powers’ when you are actually selling exercise, scents, or a mundane experience of viscosity.
9. Do not advertise ‘freedom’ if, in actuality, you intend to brutalize, defraud, interrogate, spy on, and imprison the minds and bodies of your customers.
10. Do not advertise or promote your Chairman as a paragon of virtue if he is, say, actually an insane and violent lunatic.
“These precepts, if sincerely followed, will result in truth in advertising,” enthused Dr. Wonderman. “And this will be good for everyone!”
“Our booklets are available to anyone at the price of $1,000 for 100 copies plus a fee for a printing license. The cost of shipping is not included.”
“We are urging local businesses, churches, and community groups to buy and distribute our books in their areas.”
“People are very eager and happy to receive these booklets. Studies have conclusively proven that false advertising has fallen by 85% in areas where copies of The Way to Truth in Advertising have been distributed by local volunteer groups.”
The Smith family need to get on board with this one fast. I can’t imagine anyone not following these precepts to a T. Oh, wait . . .
If only I knew a cult leader to sell that to…
We here at the Galactic Confederacy couldn’t agree more with these precepts for degraded WOGs; but as we all know, there are always exceptions to the rule. For example, such organizations that are authorities on the human mind or perhaps mankind’s only hope for spiritual salvation. Such wise organizations as these understand things on a much broader level than the average CSMF’ing WOG. You see, they understand that it’s okay to break any and all of these precepts based on deeply wise and complex principles like: “The end justifies the means,” which is to say that using bad or immoral methods is okay as long as you accomplish something good in the end. You can also think of this as “the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics” …but I digress.
So! In a show of solidarity between Teegeeack’s ‘Concerned Citizens for Truth in Advertising’ and the Galactic Confederacy, I Lord Xenu, am commanding you to do the following:
Upon the receipt of false and/or misleading advertisement from any organizations that solicits you (whether by electronic or snail mail), you are hereby ordered to reply back to them with the definition of “Lying” from the Technical Dictionary of Dianetics and Scientology, by L. Ron Hubbard.
If they provide a return envelope, use it.
LYING, 1. Lying is an alteration of time, place, event or form. Lying becomes
alter-isness, becomes stupidity. (COHA, p. 20) 2 . the lowest form of creativity. (FOT, p. 25)
~ Technical Dictionary of Dianetics and Scientology, by L. Ron Hubbard
Any noncompliance with this order will be met with total annihilation.
That is all. Have a great day.
Well done princexenu!
You are commended for improving our TWTTIA social betterment program by enhancing it to R Factor CSMF’ing wogs.
COB said he was very glad he thought of it.
COB’s only suggestion for improving his idea is to include in the envelope a photo of COB, a copy of TWTH, and a brochure on an introductory comm course. By doing so, everyone’s stats as an FSM will go into AFFLUENCE.