Flag’s goal to get 10,000 people onto Solo NOT’s has been temporarily suspended in favor of getting 10,000 lawyers onto David Miscavige’s legal team.
All monies in the Sea Org Reserves being diverted to the COB Defense Fund.
“Additional emergency funding from the IAS as well as the Lichtenstein Emergency accounts A, B, C, D, and E are also being diverted to the COB Defense Fund,” Church spokesman Ken Delusion noted.
“It just figures,” Delusion remarked. “The ink is not even dry on the GAT II course packs and, sure enough, a Psych nuclear legal rampage against COB RTC David Miscavige breaks loose in a Texas courtroom.”
“This is the largest ever threat in the history of the Scientology religion,” Delusion added, “for if Mr. Miscavige is ordered deposed in that courtroom then the world as we know it will end.
“IAS donations are now mandatory. Every Scientologist must now ‘Go All In” or they will be beaten and declared and then re-beaten and re-declared!”
“As COB announced last week,” Delusion added, “the GAT II honeymoon is over. Now is the time when every Scientologist goes all in and wages TOTAL WAR against the Planetary forces of suppression.”
“For this reason, members of the Finance Police II are fanning out this week to ransack the homes and businesses of every remaining Scientologist to ensure that every last penny they have goes into IAS coffers immediately or else!”
In this, COB’s darkest hour, we must indeed make it go right to go all in to save this planet from certain ruin if COB is deposed! A special IAS status is being created for those who go truly above and beyond in showing their loyalty and fealty to our beloved Chairman of the Board RTC. This highly desirable status is Platinum Bankruptorious and can be attained by the performing extraordinary acts such as these:
Selling all property and donating the proceeds to the IAS. Having a home or car will mean nothing when the psych gangs come burn it down after COB’s deposition!
Killing elderly (downstat and useless) relatives to gain a quick inheritance.
Selling all your organs on the Chinese black market. Your death means eternal life for all!
Selling your children (and the children of friends and neighbors) to sex traffickers. The depraved acts they’ll be forced to endure will be nothing compared to an eternity of whole-track psych enslavement!
The Platinum Bankruptorious status comes with a nice framed certificate and 8 foot statue of Mr. Miscavige (3X actual size). Call your closest org now, IAS regges are standing by!
I recall jumping to my feet and applauding wildly when COB RTC (or Captain Blackheart as he is affectionately referred to by his adoring parishioners) said at the New Year’s Eve triumphant gathering “In the operations of war, where there are in the field a thousand swift chariots, as many heavy chariots, and a hundred thousand mail-clad soldiers, with provisions enough to carry them a thousand dollars, the expenditure at home and at the front, including entertainment of guests, small items such as glue and paint, and sums spent on chariots and armor, will reach the total of a thousand ounces of silver per day. Such is the cost of raising an army of 100,000 men.
Thanks to your wise comment, I now realize that the army he was referring to was comprised of specially trained and combat-hardened lawyers!
“We Need 10,000 Lawyers for David Miscavige.”
20 in, 9,980 to go. We can do it guys!
We are the IAS. Now and Forever.
Scientology celebs still have enough wealth to live the high life. How selfish of them.
Instead of riding in limousines and flying in private aircraft they should be driving Hyundais and flying second class. They should be eating fast food instead of at gourmet restaurants. They should sell their mansions and move into dumpy apartments or trailers.
COB is fighting for his right not to testify. He needs their cash now!
Kirstie Alley has pledged that for every 10 pies she eats she’ll donate the cost of 1 pie to the IAS for COB’s legal army.
Given the sheer size of the COS (billions of members), isn’t it ridiculously unlucky that every time COS and POS wind up in court the judge happens to be a wog? Wouldn’t one imagine that simple probability would result in at least some of those cases being heard by a judge who is also a parishioner?
Fate…she is a cruel mistress.
Perfect!! Thanks for the laughs.
If only there were a way the COS could do something that would make people become able or something so they could become smart and earn enough money to go to law school, then they could become lawyers themselves.
I see a major outpoint on frank wonderman, the OSA finance police ransacked his dwelling, by why does he still have a dwelling? He should sell it it now, before COB is deposed and the world ends!
I say gangbang sec check him.
OT Frank Wonderman is in very deep trouble. He has been beaten and is now in a year long gangbang sec check. He will sign over the deed for his building to the IAS or face a very black and dire future — not to mention that OSA will put his head in vice and turn it slowly.
I understand that those deadbeat, bitter, lying apostates are refusing to pay their freeloader bills. Some nonsense about the debt not being legally enforceable.
Will the OSA finance police be showing them the error of their ways, soon? Since the OSA finance police are ecclesiastical, they should be exempt from those pesky secular laws which limit wog collection agencies.
Still waiting for an Update from RTC on the new years speech Ocean FM flap.