Scientology Super Power Beached on Fail Island

Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion today announced the shocking news. “The Church of Scientology ship Super Power suddenly and mysteriously lost power in a raging storm. Whereupon  Super Power ran aground and beached herself on Fail Island.”

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“A wretched and inhospitable island in the Misery Archipelago, Fail Island is unclaimed by any nation due to the fact that it is the location of many shipwrecks and losses,” Delusion remarked. “And now, tragically, Super Power and its cargo of GAT II have joined the long list of casualties on the accursed island called Fail!”

Fail.Island

Fail Island

“An investigation has revealed that the ship and its cargo are a complete loss. Whereupon, the vessel will be towed into international waters and sunk along with its damaged cargo of GAT II,” Delusion noted. “COB greatly regrets the inconvenience to all Scientologists.”

“In happier news,” Delusion remarked, “the Flag Building will be re-purposed and renamed the David Miscavige Lifetime Museum. This will be  a real treat for all Scientologists to visit when they are at Flag!”

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11 responses to “Scientology Super Power Beached on Fail Island

  1. “the Flag Building will be re-purposed and renamed the David Miscavige Lifetime Museum.” And not only that, but Miscavige will be credited for any awards actually won by Scientologists, such as Grammys, Emmys, etc.

    btw, Miscavige wrote and directed Crash, not Paul Haggis.

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    • Crash Smash! What’s more important – COB is responsible for Battlefield Earth – the most entertaining documentary ever made, that exposes the evils of psychiatry and SP’s in general! Paul Haggis – pfft!

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  2. OT8, I see that Tony Ortega got some inside photos of your Clearwater tent. How did he get those? Has Flag been infiltrated with crims? And are these the same people who sabotaged the ship?

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  3. Fail Island is a rough neighborhood. You had better get all your little thetan critters to work together to refloat the ship and get it to Tampa tout suite! This is how the last ship similar to the USS Super Powers looked only two hours after some of the natives had gotten to her at low tide the day after she, too, got beached on Fail Island:

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    • Could someone tell me how to embed a picture in WordPress instead of merely linking to it? Oop! Ack!!

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      • Handled the picture on the Admin side.

        And while we appreciate your warning of danger, it is too late to do anything. It is all a total loss. The good news is that COB had taken out a huge amount of commercial insurance in his own name.

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      • r2-45 for all wogs

        thank you, otviiiisgrrr8. it is truly breathtaking and inspiring how cob made that trashed boat situation go right with the commercial insurance. this is just another example of cob’s brilliant tactical foresight and how he has transcended to another level of thought beyond us mere db’s. this is why i worship the man, have signed the billion year contract and will give lifetime-after-lifetime in relentless labor to him and the cos.

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  4. I love you OTVIIIisGrrr8!

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  5. Pingback: Scientology Super Power Beached on Fail Island | Ex-Scientologists Ireland

  6. OT8 – We need to start looking at hardships as disguised opportunities. Since Fail Island has not been claimed internationally, I have an idea…

    Let’s make arrangements for COB to be flown to the site and there lay claim to Fail Island as in the days of old. Just imagine the fleet Admiral, resplendent and dashingly attired in full Sea Org regalia planting the flag in the beach and proclaiming –

    “I, David Miscaviage, lay claim to Fail Island in the name of the Church of Scientology. From this day forward, Fail Island and the Church of Scientology are inexorably joined. Our new refuge is Fail Island and it is here we will make our home, free from the psychs.”

    Golden Era could film it…the fundraising opportunities to turn it into a useful base are limitless, and lastly the irony is almost certainly lost on COB, so we should be okay…yes?

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