Scientology Announces Its One Billionth Clear!

We in RTC are pleased to announce that the Church of Scientology has made its one billionth Clear!

Her name is Sarah Palin and she is the former Governor of Alaska.

We in RTC looked on our giant wall map of global domination and noted that both Canada and Alaska are apparently territories of the North Pole.

Sarah attested Clear earlier this year in the Wasillia Ideal Org. She then traveled to Flag to begin her OT preps.

Said Governor Palin at a recent Flag event, “Wow! I am really winning in life thanks to Scientology. My Ethics are fully in and I am so excited about going OT at Flag. Thank you COB!”

Sarah Palin: The One Billionth Clear

Sarah Palin was Introduced to Scientology by Scientologist Greta Van Susteren, a celebrity whose Fox show sparks all manner of controversy, including the recent allegation that Karl Rove is having a gay affair. If true, Scientology can help Karl Rove audit the gay away as it has done for so many other closeted celebrities.

As she is Clear and no longer has a Reactive Mind, we in RTC have entrusted Sarah Palin with the task of coming to cause over Suppressive Person Rupert Murdoch who recently tweeted a vicious attack on the Scientology religion:

“Scientology back in the news. Very weird cult, but big, big money involved with Tom Cruise either number two or three in hierarchy.”

Greta Van Susteren works for Rupert Murdoch and yet she failed to handle this flap. Therefore, it falls to Scientologist Sarah Palin to Ethics in on Rupert Murdoch.

We in RTC trust that Sarah will not fail us as she is a big being.

Nothing is impossible for Sarah.

She even ran for President a few years ago. Her only mistake was choosing an old wog as her Vice Presidential running mate — a bad decision some say Greta Van Susteren’s husband John Coale had a hand in. Greta and John cannot seem to do much for the Church these days as they have other fish to fry, but we in RTC digress.

Sarah Palin was just photographed in Studio City, California last week and she looked very thin. Sarah’s shore story is that she is writing an exercise book. The fact is that she is at CC Int doing the Purif in the President’s Office.

Scientology Clear Palin

We in RTC have ordered Sarah Palin to be put on the fast track to OT. Our plan is to have her run for President in 2016 so that we have a Scientologist in the White House to make the world go right.

We in RTC have assigned Admiral Tom Cruise of the Sea Org to personally coach Sarah Palin on how to carefully listen to COB David Miscavige’s often staccato communications and fully duplicate said communications.

Admiral Cruise will work to ensure that Governor Palin does not anger COB by comm lagging, misduplicating, or acting like a parrot in his presence.

19 replies »

  1. This leaves an opening for me to move into the GOP Cover Girl spot! You should know that I would never choose an outfit like the one Sarah is wearing in the above photo, much less with those shoes.

    OTViiiis Grrr8, Is it true that you will be at Will and Jada’s fundraiser for President Obama this week? Can you please let us know all of the pertinent details of that event from your firsthand perspective? Thank you and please let me know if you decide to blow from the Sci world any time soon. You’re too cool for the cult!


    • MidwestMom, we in RTC admire your ruthless ambition to become the next superstar GOP CoverGrrrl! Keep us in the loop.

      And yes, we will be at Will and Jada’s fundraiser for President Obama this week. As Scientology OT John Coale (husband of Greta VS), long ago outlined in his secret memo to OSA, we in the Church of Scientology need to plug into the MONEY and VOTES game if we ever hope to take over the world.

      We in RTC will be attending to chaperone COB RTC David Miscavige in order to prevent him from slugging, hitting, punching, or choking anyone present. When COB behaves in this manner, it is only to put the Ethics of others.

      However, wogs do not understand.

      Any improvisational Ethics handling on the part of COB would be misunderstood and the wog media would hyperventilate.

      The wog media loves to turn some all Scientology Ethics cycles into huge international PR fiascoes that are nothing more than an attacks upon the Scientology religion.

      Note: Sea Org uniform for the Presidential fundraiser is uniform K (upstat civilian clothes). This is important as wogs have a big button on Sea Org’s military uniforms.

      American wogs think that only people who have actually served in the US military in places like Iraq or Afghanistan should be allowed to wear uniforms.

      We in RTC think quite differently on this matter and so does COB RTC David Miscavige, as seen below in the RTC Global Command Combat Information Center (RTC GC CIC):

      Fleet Admiral David Miscavige of the Sea Org

      As Supreme Commander of the Sea Org, Admiral Miscavige commands the Church of Scientology’s global efforts to obliterate Psychiatry and put Scientology Ethics in on the planet. Please donate to the IAS today to help Fleet Admiral Miscavige wage war against the Psychs.


      • GOP Cover Grrrl – I love it!

        Grrr8 post, OT8! You have been very busy today. I appreciate the helpful info! I’ll need to make sure my preferred candidates are not taking any $ from the Co$’s FLAGG PAC. Thanks for the tip-off.

        I do hope that you have fun at Will and Jada’s shindig and wonder if you’ll be successful in keeping the molecule-sized “Big Being” away from the open bar, as I’ve heard he turns into a violent, cabaret singing, pole-dancing, gremlin of a drunk (even worse than Liza)!

        Taa Taa,



      • I want to know WHO the little SP is there in RTC that is responsible for having Supreme leader Admiral David Miscavige work at the RTC GC CIC alone, without any evidence of scotch or his copper wire close by? Poor COB-apparently he has to do everything! I am sickened that such suppressive little beings are allowed to continue to their dramatize their overts and heavy drug cases, while trying to stop command intention and global expansion of Scientology.

        I want to know how you in RTC are planning to handle this clearly suppressive act? This is not a simple oversight. Things just do not happen-THEY ARE CAUSED! I am glad I caught this outpoint, and consider this my Knowledge Report.

        I just can’t imagine how one could possible think that the Supreme commander Admiral COB RTC could possibly obliterate Psychiatry and put ethics in on the planet, without scotch or his copper wire?


      • We in RTC are placing a commendation in nocaseonpost’s Ethics file as they understand what COB wants and needs — this unlike all of those other pie faced idiots who are only pretending to be Sea Org members.

        COB’s work day is chronically frustrating as he is not well served in so many ways. COB literally has to wear all of the hats himself and do all of the work all of the time.

        The Sea Org members around COB — except for we in RTC of course — are SP’s who refuse to duplicate, understand, ack, or even remain conscious and in PT when COB is in the room, so yes, there were no copper rods or scotch in the RTC GC CIC back when that photo was taken. We in RTC have since changed that.

        A former Sea Org member who goes by the name of “Thoughtful” did a post at Kingpin’s blog in which he admitted that COB is surrounded by pie-faced incompetents:

        Start of COB meeting:
        DM: “She didn’t what’s the say on it.”
        You: “Excuse me, Sir.”
        DM: [glares sliently, then to the rest of the room] “He’s going to backflash me?”
        Bystander: “That’s bad… It’s blackflash, Sir.”
        DM: “I know it’s backflash, that’s what I said, Parrot! You want it?”
        Bystander: “Excuse me?”
        DM: “The fucking cracker… fucking…!
        Bystander: “Right, no, sorry sir. Yes, the cracker.”
        DM: “I know what I said DO you?”
        Bystander: “Yes Sir, you…”
        DM: “Shut up! (points to you) You!”
        You: “I apologize for back flashing Sir, and pretending I couldn’t hear you.”
        DM: (glares silently for a while, decides to go on) “She didn’t have the braided so he’ll tell for so inch.”
        You: (can’t think of anything to say)
        DM: “Answer the fucking question, pie face!”
        You: “I’m sorry I didn’t get that last.” …and now it starts over. Welcome to life at the top of Scientology.


      • are you sure it is scientology you are writing of? I know there are as many paths as individual..


  2. So, Tom Cruise is an Admiral now? That’s deep baby, considering he can’t even get a wife to obey orders and accept her handling. Are you in the RTC sure he can handle a surly she-bear like Sarah Palin? She’s a pageant-diva, a clueless Manchurian candidate who actually thought she deserved her position, AND she is handy with firearms! I’m just not sure Tommy C is up to that kind of challenge. I think she’ll put him in a headlock and spank him like his name is Tripp!


  3. Pingback: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
  4. Here is OT IX:
    OT I – VIII were a joke! I made them up! Shut down Scientology, liquidate the assets and set up a relief fund for Scientology’s 5,678,789 victims. And no, I’m not returning to Earth.


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