We in RTC are pleased to announce that the Church of Scientology has made its one billionth Clear!
Her name is Sarah Palin and she is the former Governor of Alaska.
We in RTC looked on our giant wall map of global domination and noted that both Canada and Alaska are apparently territories of the North Pole.
Said Governor Palin at a recent Flag event, “Wow! I am really winning in life thanks to Scientology. My Ethics are fully in and I am so excited about going OT at Flag. Thank you COB!”
Sarah Palin was Introduced to Scientology by Scientologist Greta Van Susteren, a celebrity whose Fox show sparks all manner of controversy, including the recent allegation that Karl Rove is having a gay affair. If true, Scientology can help Karl Rove audit the gay away as it has done for so many other closeted celebrities.
As she is Clear and no longer has a Reactive Mind, we in RTC have entrusted Sarah Palin with the task of coming to cause over Suppressive Person Rupert Murdoch who recently tweeted a vicious attack on the Scientology religion:
“Scientology back in the news. Very weird cult, but big, big money involved with Tom Cruise either number two or three in hierarchy.”
Greta Van Susteren works for Rupert Murdoch and yet she failed to handle this flap. Therefore, it falls to Scientologist Sarah Palin to Ethics in on Rupert Murdoch.
We in RTC trust that Sarah will not fail us as she is a big being.
Nothing is impossible for Sarah.
She even ran for President a few years ago. Her only mistake was choosing an old wog as her Vice Presidential running mate — a bad decision some say Greta Van Susteren’s husband John Coale had a hand in. Greta and John cannot seem to do much for the Church these days as they have other fish to fry, but we in RTC digress.
Sarah Palin was just photographed in Studio City, California last week and she looked very thin. Sarah’s shore story is that she is writing an exercise book. The fact is that she is at CC Int doing the Purif in the President’s Office.
We in RTC have ordered Sarah Palin to be put on the fast track to OT. Our plan is to have her run for President in 2016 so that we have a Scientologist in the White House to make the world go right.
We in RTC have assigned Admiral Tom Cruise of the Sea Org to personally coach Sarah Palin on how to carefully listen to COB David Miscavige’s often staccato communications and fully duplicate said communications.
Admiral Cruise will work to ensure that Governor Palin does not anger COB by comm lagging, misduplicating, or acting like a parrot in his presence.