COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has offered to donate $50 million USD to the Joe Biden Presidential Library in exchange for a Presidential pardon.

“This is not a bribe,” insisted Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion. “Rather, it follows Scientology’s doctrine of exchange.”

“All Mr. Miscavige wants in exchange for his donation is a full Presidential pardon for any and all crimes Mr. Miscavige committed, or may have committed, between August 1, 1973 and December 31, 2032.”