“Freedom Magazine has named COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige as Scientology’s Man of the Year for the 37th consecutive year,” Tom Cruise announced from the stage of the Celebrity Centre.

“I have met all of the leaders and we are lucky to have Mr. Miscavige as our leader,” Mr. Cruise somberly intoned.

Pointing his finger heavenward to emphasize his point by way of underscoring the importance of his proclamation, Mr. Cruise declared, “David Miscavige is the Leader of Leaders.”

“David Miscavige is preeminent in the Heavens and his Throne is above the very Throne of God,” Cruise stated by way of alluding to the exalted Luciferian personage of the Lord of Darkness David Miscavige.

Whereupon the audience of dedicated Scientologists leapt to their feet and broke into a standing ovation for Mr. Miscavige which lasted a world record of 124 hours, 8 minutes, and 12 seconds of actual Earth time.

Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion noted that while several elderly celebrity OT’s died during this ‘Ordeal of Applause’ they would not be missed as their celebrity and money had faded long ago and so were of absolutely no importance to Scientology.