Having been expelled from the US Congress after being caught telling dozens of demonstrably outrageous lies about his personal life as well as being indicted for money laundering, credit card fraud, and thirty other charges, George Santos has been identified as the possible reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard.
“Given his talent for creative storytelling and financial criminality, George may actually be L. Ron Hubbard reincarnated,” said Scientology spokesman Captain Ken Delusion.
“The timeline fits as Mr. Hubbard died on January 24, 1986 and George Santos was born July 22, 1988. Further, Mr. Hubbard said he would return as a political leader,” Delusion noted, “and George Santos was, very briefly, a leading and very famous US Congressperson.”
“We at Flag Land Base are auditing George Santos at present to see if we can revivify his memories of having been L. Ron Hubbard,” Delusion commented.
“We are desperately hoping George Santos is Ron returned because, frankly, we in Scientology need those goddamned OTIX – OTXV levels Ron hid somewhere before he dropped his body in 1986.”
Categories: L. Ron Hubbard
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Was George Santos busting broncs as a precocious youth on Long Island? Was George Santos the youngest Boy Scout ever? Was George Santos married three times with two wives? Could George Santos perform Black Magic with world class occultists? Was George Santos able to write super cool science fiction? Is George Santos mankind’s best friend? Has George Santos saved countless Space Opera civilizations? Can George Santos demonstrate unbelievable OT abilities? Can George Santos clay demo the phrase “shameless grifter”?
I fully trust the dedicated Sea Org members at the Flag Land Base (The Mecca of Technical Perfection) to sort this out so Cap’n COB RTC David ‘Big Thetan’ Miscavige can get on with the unprecedented expansion of the Scientology Religion and turn over his Hat to Ronnie II.
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Santos is not corrupt enough, not dishonest enough, not slimy enough to be the reincarnation of Hubbard.
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