Paramedics were called today when the Church of Scientology experienced a massive panic attack brought on after spending the weekend binge watching SPTV.

The rageaholic 73-year-old cult had been attacking SPTV for some time when it realized how badly its OSA efforts to stop SPTV had failed.

In a desperate last-minute effort to confront and shatter suppression, aged and decrepit OSA agents binged-watched SPTV all weekend in an attempt to find the hidden Psych algorithm that has powered the low-cost SPTV platform to huge YouTube success.

Scientology spokesman Ken Delusion compared SPTV videos to Ukrainian drones in their effectiveness in exposing Scientology.

After the 49th hour of binge-watching SPTV, the OSA agents suddenly became dizzy, collapsed on the sidewalk, and began hyperventilating and screaming to nearby pedestrians that there were about to die.

Local concerned citizens dialed 911. The Church was transported by ambulance to the ICU at the Hollywood Religious Hospital.

An MRI revealed that the Church of Scientology has a very serious and advanced case of third degree butthurt, the medical name of which is Miscavigitis.

There is no known treatment for this type of raging and inflamed butthurt.

The long term prognosis for the Scientology Cult is not good. Scientology appears to have developed chronic and irremediable butthurt and may need to be put into an assisted living facility.