Can You Be a Scientologist and a Pentecostal Snake Handler?

Scientology Leader David Miscavige during an Ideal Org snake handling event

Can you be a Scientologist and a Pentecostal snake-handler? The answer is a definite “yes” according to Scientology leader Captain David Miscavige.

“We in Scientology welcome Pentecostal snake-handlers and members of all other faith traditions,” Miscavige said. “Why just the other day I was at an Ideal Org snake handling event where I handled many deadly serpents. I was not bitten because I flowed theta to the snakes!”

“Scientology gives people tools to improve their lives. So if you’re a Pentecostal snake-handler, Scientology will make you a better snake handler. For example, if you get bitten by a snake, Scientology touch assists will help you get better faster.”

“In order to show Scientology’s commitment to Pentecostal snake-handlers, we have already launched a fundraiser to build seven Ideal Snake Handling Orgs throughout Appalachia,” Miscavige enthused.

2 replies »

  1. For God’s sake people, we haven’t got time to worry about whether or not Pentecostal snake-handlers can be Scientologists or not!!! The important thing right now is the HUGE Present Time Problem of what the fuck is happening to the Kabul Ideal Org as well as the thousands of other Afgan Ideal Orgs, Missions, Field Groups now that the Taliban have interrupted the supply of The Way To Happiness pamphlets? I for one can’t wait to make a donation to the IAS so that more TWTH pamphlets can be airdropped throughout the country. Perhaps brave Sea Org members could be smuggled into the Taliban headquarters so that they can conduct some Gang Bang Sec Checks and get to the bottom of the evil purposes of these mean people.


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