“Actual research has shown that Scientologists who sleep on David Miscavige’s discount sheet sets experience, on average, a 2000% increase in case gain,” said Discount Sheet I/C Ken Delusion.
“These luxurious 800 count style sheet sets are made by North Korean children in textile factories built to exact RTC specifications.”
“All Scientologists are ordered to purchase 100 sheet sets by this Thursday or else!” warned Delusion. “Scientologists who fail to purchase the sheet sets will be taken off services and beaten.”
Categories: OTVIIIisGrrr8!
OTVIIIisGrrr8! 
Are the discount sheets new or used? Also, are they body thetan free or do they come with space cootie bed bugs?
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Ivan, I have it on good authority that these wonderful sheets are not “used”, but gently distressed. These sheets have been broken in by the most ethical people on this Planet, Sea Org members!!! You see, as part of their mission to get Ethics in, the Sea Org is going green. Instead of relegating these perfectly good, but a bit threadbare, bed sheets to the rag bin, Scientology parishioners and other assorted little beings of all sorts can get proven case gain by swaddling themselves in these Theta Threads and thereby gain the momentum that they need to rocket themselves to the top of the Bridge to Total Freedom and possibly even up there IAS Status by two full levels!!!!! And, it goes without saying that they are BT free because we don’t even know what BTs are. That’s just made up wog shit that is spread about willy-nilly on the internet. Stick with info that comes through your telex and you’ll save yourself a trip to the Ethics Officer.
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