“We in RTC have found direct evidence that Big Pharma sabotaged the neural network we implant into OT III’s,” said Inspector General Tech Mr. Ken Delusion.
“We found the Sike Virus A in 90% of OT III’s tested. Big Pharma attackers got into the neural networks of OT III’s via an unsecured IPsec tunnel in the CSI corporate LAN. It didn’t help that the master password was 1234.”
“As a result, we have instructed the Church of Scientology International to issue a recall on all OT III’s in order to install a new neural network. As this requires opening the skull, anesthesia will be used. Healing time varies, but affected parties should plan on one Earth year. Side effects may include vampirism, hallucinations, and paranoia.”