Marty & Alanzo’s Deprogramming Services

Marty’s personal assistant Alanzo clears Marty’s nostril prior to filming video #528.

The Doctors of Scientology Mark C. Rathbun and Allen “Alanzo” Stanfield have joined forces to create Marty & Alanzo’s Deprogramming Services.

“Marty & Alanzo’s Deprogramming Services specializes in deprogramming Anti-Scientologists,” said Dr. Stanfield. “Funded by Scientology’s Office of Special Affairs, our mission is to stop people from attacking the Church of Scientology.”

“Scientology cannot accomplish its humanitarian goals given the activities of Scientology haters. In any decent country, haters would not be allowed to even open their mouths and spew such hate. But in Wog America, Europe, and ANZO they are. This is why deprogrammers like me and Marty are needed to stop the spread of false data about Scientology.”

“And yes,” chortled Alanzo, “David Miscavige gave me the sweater I wear on my videos. I love it as much as Marty loves the brown sports coat COB gave him.”

Dr. Mark C. Rathbun added that the troika and its financiers are out to attack him and that is why he has to incessantly cyber-stalk these people online through his tedious browncoat videos. “Creepy cyber-stalking is part of my deprogramming technique,” said Dr. Rathbun. “And now that Alanzo is my Manuela, my little bitch, I know that together we can defeat the ASC.”

7 replies »

  1. Now that Marty and Alanzo have teamed up to defeat the troika and put an end to Scientology haters once and for all, I suspect that the ASC can start rueing the day any day now. I’m so glad that I have secured my membership in the IAS and constantly reflect on my wins with the Tech so that I don’t need to have these two formidable deprogrammers breathing down my neck. That’s scary. Peace, Out… ā˜®

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We realize as we’re sure most of you at home do as well that any boogers found will be rightfully attributed to the corrupt influence of the ASC. As such, they are not suitable for ingestion quite unlike the OT boogers with which the founder fed his flock for years upon years. We heard in point of fact that COB was able to pick a winner for this year’s birthday celebration.


  3. This adulation of Marty and Alanzo is disappointing. Why is there no mention of the real heroes of the ASC who work long hours to make the world safe for Scientologists and their ecclesiastical leader and planetary savior Captain Miscavige?

    No fancy cars and expensive brown jackets and stylish jerseys for Virginia, Marildi and Remote Viewer.without whom this important and vital work would founder.

    Yet these are the brave thetans who against all odds labour, unappreciated by everyone.. Sad!


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