“We in the Church of Scientology are announcing a major policy change,” declared newly rehabilitated Church executive Marty Rathbun who was in no way paid off, bribed, or cut a deal.
Acting in his capacity as IG/BS, Captain Rathbun emphasized, “Whereas in the past Scientology’s chief excuse for all of our problems was blamed on nefarious characters who had been “sent in” to infiltrate and sabotage Scientology organizations, we now have, literally, a totally new excuse as to why Scientology is doing so badly and our stats are crashing globally and even cosmically.”
“Scientology’s new excuse is that our enemies are broadcasting scripted narratives that are all made up and done for money. End of story, okay?” the IG/BS declared as he sliced his hand downward through the air to signify the finality of his pronouncement.
“None of it ever happened,” adjudicated Captain Rathbun. “I was literally omnipresent everywhere. I have omnisciently witnessed everything that has ever happened in the history of the entire world and what the ASC is saying happened didn’t. It never happened. Got it? It’s all a scripted narrative done for money. Okay?”
“When I finally got the correct handling using GAT II Tech, OSA was able to show me how I had been taken in by the ASC troika; the ASC fora; the ASC troll farms; and even the ASC’s enemy line that Disconnection and breaking up families is a bad thing. I was just so PTS due to my crimes and overts against COB that I didn’t see it. But now I do. Thank you COB. Thank you for allowing me back into the group after my eight year Psych break.”
The IG/BS went on video to explain further: