Church Sets Monthly Budget for Scientologists; Orders Scientologists Onto Food Stamps & Welfare

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“It has come to management’s attention that Scientologists are not taking advantage of food stamps, welfare, Medi-Cal, homeless shelters, soup kitchens and other sources of free financial assistance offered by wog governments and charities,” said Dr. Frank Wonderman, Executive Director of COB’s mandatory new program called Getting Scientologists Onto Welfare In Order to Increase Donations to Scientology.

“The Church of Scientology desperately needs the money Scientologists are wasting on meat body dramatizations such as food, water, electricity, flush toilets, medical care, housing, and even clothing,” Delusion emphasized. “A hat pack is being released to show Scientologists how to game the system in order to get onto government welfare and wog charity programs.”

“To begin gradiently, the Church is ordering all Scientologists to work two jobs. Further, the Church is putting all Scientologists on a monthly budget of $2010. This budget allows for $27.00 in spending per day — which is more than enough for Scientologists to get by on. Any income above this limit is to be donated to the Church. All Scientologists must adhere to this new budget to remain in good standing with the Church:

Budget

5 responses to “Church Sets Monthly Budget for Scientologists; Orders Scientologists Onto Food Stamps & Welfare

  1. I tested this formula against my income and expenses and found that I am saving too much. Oh, shit!! Please don’t post this!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Savings account? Why would any scientologist in good standing have a saVings account? Shouldn’t both saVings and other be re-categorized as IAS and ideal Org donations?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Valerie, I have to agree with you on this point. However, I think you missed something or have an MU that needs to be cleared up. If you reread this excellent article I think you will notice that Mr. Delusion mentioned this was being implemented on a gradient. As you know gradients are in line with Standard Tech per the Founder. Except when it comes to regging.

      Personally, I think Scientologists can do better than these paltry requirements that are outlined here. Since a REAL Scientologist who in in-ethics, in-KSW and in-ALL IN would naturally have two jobs, be on course, or disseminating, there would be virtually no time for any other fish-to-fry activities like bowling, watching TV, hiking, reading, gardening, socializing, relaxing, etc. That being the case, and in keeping with the above outline, I think the following is a more realistic target:
      1) No need for savings.
      2) Rent could be cut drastically by bunking with at least 8 other Scientologists.
      3) Car payment, what car payment? Public transport, hitchhiking, walking or bumming a ride are all more efficient and cost effective.
      4) Car/Home insurance. Forget it. If you aren’t PTS you won’t pull anything in. What a waste of money. Insurance is a wog scam.
      5) Health Insurance. Ditto. Any money spent on health insurance is better spent on cigarettes. If it was good enough for the Founder and COB, it’s good enough for us Little Beings.
      6) Heating = $0.00. See point #2. If it’s a bit chilly in your hovel, there will be seven other meat bodies that are producing heat in the vicinity. Take advantage of that and snuggle up. Just remember to keep your ethics in and don’t go out-2D with those meat body dramatizations some of us still have.
      7) Cable/Phone. Why?
      8) Electric. OK, you might need a few lights on at night when you are studying the scriptures before catching a little shut-eye. This is acceptable, but I think the $90 expense is way too high if you are adhering to point #2.
      9) Other. Other what?

      With the millions and millions of Scientologists living on this planet, just think of the money that will be flowing into the Church’s coffers as a result of implementing this simple and easy to live with policy. We are surely on the verge of Planetary Clearing. I for one don’t even need to be on the front porch of eternity. Houses and apartments without porches are cheaper to rent.

      P.S. Of course, this policy would never apply to someone who is a Scientology Celebrity or a Big Being who has an IAS trophy that measures more than 4’3″ in height. They need special care for some reason.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh my! You are so right on all points but phone. Every and all scientologists must must must have a phone and have it with them at all times it must have unlimited talk and text for those hours long reg sessions but absolutely must not have a data plan

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Roger Larsson

    If the eternal battery keeping Xenu trapped inside a forcefield work scientologists also work. Who needs social welfare when they have all their energy collected in a battery keeping Xenu captured?

    Like

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