David Miscavige Declares Scientology Global Emergency!

larry-alex

The American Brahmans of SP’s: Lawrence Wright and Alex Gibney were just spotted together outside of Scientology’s Washington DC National Affairs Office!

We in RTC looked on our giant wall map of global domination and noted that these two SP Supremos were shockingly close to the IRS National Headquarters. Surely there is some diabolical plot afoot!

Fleet Admiral David Miscavige has declared a global Scientology emergency. All Scientologists living on the Eastern seaboard of the US are to immediately evacuate to the emergency shelters in Trementina, New Mexico until further notice.

Those Scientologists living west of the Rockies are ordered confined to their homes. All doors are to be locked and window shades drawn. All televisions, computers, cellphones, and any other devices capable of accessing the internet, television, or radio signal are to be unplugged and locked away in closets; this to prevent any possible exposure to potential entheta.

2 responses to “David Miscavige Declares Scientology Global Emergency!

  1. Class VIII Kool-Aid drinker

    No donations needed, to handle the global emergency?

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL. Don’t you see the pattern by now? We in Scientology alternate pitches just like in baseball. If we asked for money no one would show up because we just asked for money last week. So this time we don’t ask for money but instead declare an emergency, hustle everyone into rooms, lock the doors, and only then shake them down reg them for money. No one gets to leave until the target is met.

      Liked by 1 person

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