Church of Scientology Announces Tough New “Scientology Pre-Crime Thought Law” in Florida!


“This latest Philboard wouldn’t have happened had the tough new ‘Scientology Pre-Crime Thought Law’ been in place,” explained Ken Delusion, VP of Media Relations for Scientology Media Productions of the Eastern United States Continent (which continent does not include Canada; Canada being a part of the Continent of New York).

“Under the new Scientology Pre-Crime Thought Law in Florida, it is a serious crime to have negative thoughts about Scientology, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige, Tom Cruise, Disconnection, etc.

“As a sovereign nation of thetans,” Delusion noted, “we as Scientologists must work to enact and enforce laws that prevent the corrosive exposure of our workable technologies, enthusiastically brutal fundraising, and the overall life of indentured servitude that we palm off on Scientologists as being states of Clear and OT.

“In happier news,” Delusion added, “Flag’s acclaimed R6 Bistro is now serving an ‘all you can eat’ buffet on Friday night graduations. Featuring meatloaf, cheeseburgers, pizza, macaroni and cheese, fried taters, OT pudding, and yes, Flag’s famous palmetto bug jello salad, the all you can eat buffet is a carb-laden feast designed to keep you sessionable and gaseous.”


3 replies »

  1. While on the surface, this Pre-Crime Thought Law seems like a fantastic idea to confront and shatter suppression, I think that there might be some unintended consequences.

    Wouldn’t we, as the coolest religion ever, be better off letting the actual crime occur and then bring the culprit in for a gut-wrenching, sphincter tightening, bowel liquifying, sweat inducing gang bang sec check? Just think of the money that could be raised in just a few fun weeks by a group of small but dedicated KSW IN, sec checkers, MAAs, OSA operatives and IAS regs? All present time crimes would be wrung out of the criminal and their suppressive connections revealed. A nice dossier could be compiled to help these degraded beings tow the line in the future. A simple A-E program could be implemented to save their eternities and their bank accounts would be completely emptied out by the friendly IAS regs as a small part of their amends projects. Once these present time crimes are handled, it would be time to tackle the whole track crimes that they surely have in rich abundance. That’s where the real money comes in!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I can just here it now, “I’m NOT auditing you”. When sessions start that way I just get all nostalgic…

    Liked by 1 person

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