The New GAT II Cause Resurgence Ideal Running Shoe


“Flag is offering a 15% IAS discount on the new GAT II Cause Resurgence Ideal Running Shoe,” enthused Church spokesman Ken Delusion, “This new shoe fully embodies the Founder’s design for the perfect running shoe — a shoe that Earth technologies of the time were not capable of producing.

“For example, the new GAT II Cause Resurgence Ideal Running Shoe features a specially patented spirit-gum insole for increased springiness and bounce. The exhaust baffles of the shoe efficiently vent excess meat body heat. And the special micro-GPS devices in the shoes track your every movement. If you are detected heading for the nearest door to blow, the doors automatically lock and sirens sound. Guards with GAT II rubber truncheons suddenly appear to give you a severe reality adjustment and get you back on track running.”

“COB has ordered these GPS-equipped ‘blow proof’ shoes immediately issued to all Sea Org members.”

“And because these shoes — like the Church of Scientology itself — are designed for running around endlessly in circles for years and decades without any actual purpose, they are, of necessity, incredibly overpriced, extremely uncomfortable, and will invariably cause excruciating pain. But as the way out is the way through, the pain eventually gives way to abject resignation and unconsciousness and hence the EP of Cause Resurgence is realized: The willingness to mindlessly comply with command intention because one is profoundly dazed and in overwhelming pain.”

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