Pope Hillary Declares Wiping Hard Drives a Protected Religious Sacrament

Pope.HillaryTaking her lead from the Church of Scientology, Pope Hillary Clinton of the First Church of Jesus Christ Socialist declared the wiping of hard drives to be a protected religious sacrament and not a crime.

“We in the Church of Jesus Christ Socialist believe that all hard drives are living and intelligent beings who, to find God’s forgiveness, must be sacramentally wiped clean of their sins by use of  powerful ceramic magnets, electromagnetic fields, acid bath baptism, and the cleansing ritual of the acetylene torch,” said Pope Hillary during a religious service today at the Church of Election Headquarters in Washington DC.

“As the global ecclesiastical leader of the First Church of Jesus Christ Socialist, I was obeying the scriptures of my religious faith and am therefore protected by the First Amendment. There are no felonies here,” decreed Pope Clinton.

“I am simply being persecuted for my faith by the usual crowd of religion haters, atheists, bitter defrocked Democrats, Republican bigots, Communists, Psychs, and a tiny handful of unemployed bloggers on the fringes of the internet.”

“There is also a witchcraft coven in New Mexico casting diabolical spells on me.”

4 responses to “Pope Hillary Declares Wiping Hard Drives a Protected Religious Sacrament

  1. Did she steal that pope hat from tiny fists?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pope John Oliver is holding a press conference today weighing in on this…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The entire notion of squirreling the pure tech of Scientology is an abomination in the eyes of our Lord Elron and his presence on earth Pope David I. Scientology discovered the technology of claiming any nefarious behavior could rightfully be claimed as religious in nature. This led to scriptures produced by hired scribes, which once laid at the feet of non-belivers converted them to the righteousness of the word.

    Pope David has shown the world how his church can use slave labor, force abortions on the unwilling, deny refunds for unused services, apply ecclesiastical beatings to the suppresive, spy on self-proclaimed enemies, break apart families through disconnection, and even leave his father to die in case of sudden health emergency. His church is able to spend donations on annointed ministers (commonly known as private detectives), empty palaces more commonly called Ideal Orgs, a drug rehabilitation program with no scientific evidence of success, and a 1,000 year supply of Macallan scotch.

    It was Scientology who rightfully discoverd how to shield perceived criminal behavior as a right protected by the 1st ammendment to the US constitution.

    The fact we now have namby pamby copy cats engaging in the same excercise makes us ANGRY….REAL ANGRY.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. How I long for the claymation “Celebrity Deathmatch” series. Pope Hillary Clinton VS Pope David Miscavige would be a blockbuster.

    Liked by 2 people

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