Taking her lead from the Church of Scientology, Pope Hillary Clinton of the First Church of Jesus Christ Socialist declared the wiping of hard drives to be a protected religious sacrament and not a crime.
“We in the Church of Jesus Christ Socialist believe that all hard drives are living and intelligent beings who, to find God’s forgiveness, must be sacramentally wiped clean of their sins by use of powerful ceramic magnets, electromagnetic fields, acid bath baptism, and the cleansing ritual of the acetylene torch,” said Pope Hillary during a religious service today at the Church of Election Headquarters in Washington DC.
“As the global ecclesiastical leader of the First Church of Jesus Christ Socialist, I was obeying the scriptures of my religious faith and am therefore protected by the First Amendment. There are no felonies here,” decreed Pope Clinton.
“I am simply being persecuted for my faith by the usual crowd of religion haters, atheists, bitter defrocked Democrats, Republican bigots, Communists, Psychs, and a tiny handful of unemployed bloggers on the fringes of the internet.”
“There is also a witchcraft coven in New Mexico casting diabolical spells on me.”