Group Bank of the Church of Scientology to Engage in Quantative Easing to Prevent Collapse

sec.checkScientology Finance Dictator  Dr. Werner Von Strudeldorf today announced that the Group Bank of the Church of Scientology would engage in quantitative easing to prevent the utter financial collapse of the Church.

“With the exceptions of a few whales,” said  “99.9% of Church parishioners and Sea Org members are broke. Therefore, the Group Bank is pumping in $1,000,000,000 to finance auditing at 0% interest.”

“We have to get butts in seats, err, preclears in session,” emphasized Dr. Von Strudeldorf. “Therefore, the Group Bank is loaning preclears money at 0% interest with 10,000 year repayment terms to continue up their Bridges. ”

“We are basically doing this so that COB RTC David Miscavige’s Ideal Orgs are not 100% empty on a 100% basis, this as they are at the present time.

“More than 5 Scientologists have taken loans since the program began last week,” noted Dr. Von Strudeldorf.

5 responses to “Group Bank of the Church of Scientology to Engage in Quantative Easing to Prevent Collapse

  1. Will the Valley Org finally be up and running?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cause resurgence will be starting momentarily…factually speaking at that point, Valley will be up and running…and running…and running…oh but the wins they’ll encounter…

      Liked by 1 person

      • No it does not mean that whostolemycog. It means what it means and it has nothing to do with those downstat SP slackard fools in the Valley. The Valley program is near completion by COB and will be announced soon and is a very special program in and of itself and will change the very ebb and flow of these homo saps in California.

        Like

  2. “If they’re broke, they pulled it in!”

    So stated Grant Cardone and his man bag Bob Duggan. Cardone continued emphatically, “So what they need at this point is to get themselves upstat….and how do they do that? Easy!! They come see me and Bob down here on the Freewinds, where we’ll be preaching the prosperity gospel and teaching them how to pull in something besides a foreclosure notice!”

    Declining to reveal more, Cardone lit up a stogie, winked, and simply stated, “Who wants to rich?”

    Liked by 1 person

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