Captain David Miscavige’s secret Ouija Board has warned of dangerous times of ahead for the Church of Scientology.

For this reason, Scientologists are expected to donate millions of dollars of new money this week by Thursday at 1:00 PM to pay for legal and other expenses.

“This is a vital planetary emergency,” declared Captain Miscavige. “Scientology has never been in this much danger!

“Money is salvation in Scientology and Scientology needs a galaxy of salvation now!”