The United Chemtrail Workers (UCW) today announced it is suing QAnon for making slanderous and libelous claims that chemtrails are spreading Covid.
“This is an outrage against the United Chemtrail Workers,” declared UCW President Bud Lupinsky. “We in the UCW are proud of the hard work we do in dispersing massive quantities of a wide variety of aerosols over the major population centers of the world. But we would never spread Covid or anything harmful.”
“The United Chemtrail Workers (UCW) disperse only aerosols that make people happy. Our XD3 aerosol, for example, contains aerosolized Xanax and Vitamin D3. This particular aerosol soothes anxiety while boosting the immune system. Government officials contract with the UCW to disperse XD3 before announcing bad news, tax increases, inflation, higher interest rates, etc.”
“And then there is our ‘Popular Pep‘ aerosol which contains a proprietary mixture of stimulants and microdoses of psychotropics designed to energize large crowds into the sort of patriotic frenzy we saw on January 6.”
“Popular Pep is ordered by private organizations and governmental agencies when large-scale mob frenzy is needed for religious revivals, uprisings, street protests, mob violence, patriotic insurrections, and so on. But Covid, no. We in UCW have very strict rules against making people sick. Indeed, the UCW needs a healthy population to spray in order to maintain our job security. UCW members are all fully masked and vaxxed!”
“UCW is tired of being slandered in social media and so we have sued QAnon to stop this sort of thing:
Killing your customers is a terrible business decision. Just look at the recent example of Real Water.
On the other hand what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Or weaker and short of a functioning liver.
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We in Global Capitalism HQ point out that we own all the major chemtrail spraying companies. While our valued partners in the UCW point out that they can spray various feel-good compounds for parties, football games and other social gatherings, we should point out that we, the owners of Big Chemtrail, Inc. and its competitors make far more money spraying chemicals that the Deep State uses to control the citizenry.
We were already filthy rich, but we’re getting richer from our long-term contracts to spray chemicals that turn people gay or turn them into liberals, or (more likely) into gay liberals. At least, that’s what most of the “chemtrail researchers” think we’re up to.
We hope that nobody sees the video below, which shows a woman who has discovered how to defeat utterly our spraying campaigns. She uses an inexpensive spray bottle filled with vinegar, and is able to get chemtrails to dissipate almost immediately. If this got out to more people, we’d be utterly ruined.
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Well, this Chem-Trail defeating Tech is right in there with the Church of Scientology’s KSW Bulletin. If the Tech is applied 100% Standardly 100% of the time you will get 100% results. So congratulations Miss Anonymous Contrail Eliminator!!!
I just have a few questions though… Why does such a brilliant woman live in such a poor neighborhood? The surrounding houses are most definitely Down Stat. Does the vinegar have nasty side effects like creating a shitty looking yard overrun with dandelions? Does the vinegar overspray have positive side effects like protecting one’s lungs from pesky air borne pandemic viruses? Which is the best vinegar to use, 4 Monks white vinegar available for cheap and in huge quantities at my local Costco, or does one need to go down the gawd forsaken hippy dippy health food store and buy Braggs Organic Raw Unfiltered Apple Cider Vinegar with The ‘Mother’? Is Rand Paul a worthy successor to his father, Ron?
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