Grant Cardone revealed today in an Instagram video that he has long been the leader of a secret Martian Sex Cult.
“I have my 10x Martian sex slave bitches serving me hourly,” Cardone declared in his video. “I’m the King of my Cult. I wear the big Patek watch; drive the big Mercedes diesel dumb truck; shit gold bricks in my Lambo; and fly a Gulfstream 550!”
“Did I tell you I fly a Gulfstream 550?” Cardone repeatedly asked his audience. “I’m the only person in the world with a private jet and a watch collection! And I own 7,000 apartments that bring in stacks of baby Benjamins!”
“I buy all of my stupid shit with passive income baby! It’s all about cashflow baby! Cashflow is how I finance my Martian sex cult and pay for my Gulfstream 550! I piss jet fuel and am the world’s greatest sales teacher! I amaze myself all the time with my unlimited genius!”
When asked about her husband’s recent bouts of insane behavior, Elena Cardone replied, “I shipped the idiot off to Scientology’s Flag Land Base for 21 days and even they couldn’t help him.”
Flag Senior C/S Int Ken Delusion said, “We at Flag kicked Grant Cardone off the base after we determined he is a Type III nonstop babbling psycho. Dude is batshit crazy and never stops talking about himself.”
“Grant is stuck in an electronic incident called ‘social media,'” Delusion noted. “We in Scientology hope he destimulates from this incident and comes to his senses. As it now stands, he is compulsively mocking up being a chronic jackass and a clown in social media. Flag can’t help him because he doesn’t want help. We have assigned Grant the condition of CONFUSION.”